Page 7 of Drown in You

They’re not boring. You’re just not interested in reading anything other than smut.

Sienna

Obviously. Why read anything else? Goodnight.

Ten

Sweet dreams.

I ditch my phone on my bedside table, stripping off my shirt before dropping down to the floor and pumping out fifty push-ups. Only the sweat and pain quiet the thoughts in my head anymore. Luckily, killing myself in the gym and on the ice increases my chances of getting drafted and getting the hell out of this town.

Away from the memories and the dream girl who now haunts my nightmares.

Over an elaborate breakfast of eggs, bacon, pancakes, waffles, and toast, Ma pouts. “I’ve hardly seen you your entire break.”

“That’s because Coach only gave us ten days, Ma.” The first two weeks of break, we stayed on campus, living and breathing hockey. Coach said he won’t murder us over one or two cheat meals and a couple of spiked eggnogs, but he will if we go on a junk food bender for ten days.

For me, it’s easier to abstain entirely than try to moderate, so I’ve steered clear of the Christmas cookies, much to Ma’s dismay. But I’ll indulge her now that the days before spring semester are counting down and eat a couple of pancakes slathered in butter.

“Where’s Mike?” I mumble around a mouthful of fluffy, buttery goodness. Simple carbs are reserved for practices and game days for extra boosts of energy but fuck it.

Bud lays at my feet and I slip him a strip of bacon. He’s been glued to my side since I got home. Maybe it’s just because he missed me, but a part of me is convinced he knows something’s up. Normally, he’s a rambunctious, high-energy golden retriever, but lately, all he wants to do is lay at my feet.

A message from Sienna pops up from my texting app. A screenshot of a cheap, disposable camera.

Under the table, I text her back.

Ten

Dork.

“He’s still sleeping.” Ma gives me a thin smile. She’s up at the crack of dawn every morning like clockwork. Her boyfriend prefers to stay up until two a.m. and roll out of bed at nine. Ma reaches from her seat at the dining room table next to me and squeezes my hand. “How are you feeling?”

Ever since Chloe died—more specifically, ever since my meltdown after her funeral—Ma has been watching me with wary eyes. A ticking bomb, a glass antique teetering on the edge. If she takes her eyes off me for a second, that’s when I’ll shatter.

“Never been better.”

“I heard you working out in your room again this morning. It’s not healthy, honey. You’re pushing yourself too hard. Is this about Chloe?” When I don’t answer, she squeezes my hand. Of course it’s about Chloe. And Pop and Violet. How I failed all of them. “There’s nothing you could’ve done for her, Luke. You need to stop punishing yourself.”

I shake her off and clutch my fork, shoveling in a flavorless bite. “Drop it, Ma.”

How can I stop punishing myself over Chloe’s death when I could have stopped it? I shouldn’t have been drinking that night. I should’ve noticed Trey spiking drinks. I should’ve been with her instead of getting drunk with my buddies. I could’ve kept her alive.

I may not be the reason Chloe is dead, but I should’ve been there for her. I wasn’t.

I didn’t protect her. Didn’t protect any of them. Didn’t save them when they needed me.

“Good morning.” Mike yawns when he finally enters the dining room with messy hair and pajama pants. “Breakfast smells amazing.”

Ma brightens and claps her hands together. “Oh good, you’re up! Now we can share the good news!”

“What good news?” I’m already wary but grateful for the change in subject.

Ma and Mike reunited at the therapist’s office a few months ago. Mike confided in her about how he’d been unsuccessfully trying to reconnect with Sienna. I knew she was getting his texts but couldn’t bring herself to respond to him. Couldn’t figure out how to talk to the father who abandoned her after his divorce. Ma decided to give him a second chance, but I’m still not convinced their relationship is much more than friendship. That’s why she was in therapy in the first place—she was lonely.

At least Mike isn’t the empty husk I met all those years ago. The man with a vacant look in his eyes, like nothing in the whole world mattered to him. But even if he’s done a one-eighty and Ma wants to give him a second chance, that doesn’t mean he deserves one with Sienna.

Mike grins, squeezing Ma’s shoulders while she delivers the news with a megawatt smile. “We’re getting married! This Friday!”

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