Page 40 of Drown in You

I love how nervous I make her. How much she worries about what I’ll do to her. About what she wants me to do to her.

“What’s your major?” she blurts.

I should’ve braced myself for questions. She already knows Ten’s major, but if I lie to her, she can easily find out the truth. Then she’ll wonder why I lied in the first place and put the pieces of the puzzle together. I already slipped up in the car earlier. Nearly panicked when she asked how I knew her dad only sent her cards and called her on her birthday for years. I’ve gotta be more careful. “Kinesiology. I’ll help athletes recover from injuries. Once I’m forced to retire from the NHL.”

Hockey is hard on the body. Most players don’t stay in the game past forty. I’ve known my backup plan since junior year of high school.

“Oh, really? That’s Ten’s major.” A little smile flickers on her lips as she thinks of him. Me. “Why do you want to do that?”

I can’t tell if she genuinely wants to know or if she’s just making conversation to avoid awkward silence. It’s adorable how she blabbers when she’s nervous. That’s one thing I didn’t expect from the girl I met online. Even though I’ve known her for years, there’s still so much left to learn.

So many secrets she’s still keeping from me.

I rack my brain, trying to remember what I’ve told her as Ten. If I give away too much, she’ll grow suspicious. For now, she’s still in the dark. I need to keep her that way. “My pops was in the NHL. Then he got injured and couldn’t play anymore. Not even recreationally. It always bothered him that we couldn’t play together.”

But that never stopped him from driving me to every practice and game. Never stopped him from being the loudest parent cheering from the stands. Never stopped him from volunteering to coach or to get up at the ass crack of dawn when I wanted to hit the ice for fun. Even if he couldn’t be on the ice anymore, he never stopped smiling when I was.

That’s the kind of dad Sienna deserves.

“That’s...actually kind of sweet of you.” The words leave Sienna’s mouth with a bitter edge. Almost like she resents having to admit it out loud.

“Says the nursing major.”

She lifts a brow. “How do you know that? Uncover that information while you were stalking me?”

For a second, I panic. Keeping track of what she’s told me as the anonymous masked man and what she’s told me since we met in person could quickly become a big fucking mess. “Mike asked you about your major on the way to the airport.”

She nods. “Right. The horribly awkward car ride.”

“Why nursing?” That’s something someone who barely knows her would ask. Someone who hasn’t already discussed with her at length the different majors she was considering senior year of high school. Nurse, doctor, vet, teacher. Unlike me, she hasn’t had her life planned since she was sixteen. But it felt good, being the person whose opinion she cared about most. She trusted my judgment, trusted I’d encourage her toward the right path.

“I’ve always taken care of people,” she says casually. “It’s what I’m good at.”

She’d be a great nurse. Caring, kind, empathetic. Not to mention every guy fantasizes about waking up in a hospital to a nurse like her.

Sienna bites her lip before asking, “What happened to your dad?”

Fuck. I really, really don’t want to think about that. I’ve spent years trying to shut out the memory of my father’s final moments, trying to preserve only the happy ones. The ones where he’s smiling, laughing, cheering me on.

I’ve never shared the details of Pop’s death with anyone. Not my friends, not Chloe, not even Sienna. All she knows is that Ten was there when his father died.

But for some reason, I want to tell her now. She wants to know, and maybe if I confide in her about this, she’ll finally tell me why she’s really here.

I shift on the slick bench, propping my elbows behind me onto the cool, dry concrete. “He was driving me to hockey practice. He started having chest pain and swerving on the road.” My stomach constricts, the memories rushing back. “I grabbed the steering wheel and jerked the truck to the side of the road. I managed to bring the truck to a stop and called 911. He passed out while the dispatcher told me the paramedics were on their way. They didn’t get there in time.”

Pop?

Pop. Pop!

I shook him. Expected him to come to, for his eyes to flash open any second.

They never did.

I’m glad you were the last thing he saw. That’s what Ma told me at his funeral. As if I should’ve been grateful I witnessed my father’s death. That I was right there, holding his hand, and still didn’t save him.

“When the paramedics finally showed up, he was already gone.”

Sienna scoots closer, green eyes soft with concern and maybe even pain. Almost as if she can feel my hurt like it’s her own. Her hand starts to reach out, a girl used to providing comfort, but she withdraws it. She’s always been so good at comforting me. The best.

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