Page 82 of Of Daggers and Deceit

I thought of Tia. Tiny, fierce Tia, who was lost beyond our shield, at the mercy of filth. Water pooled at the corner of my eyes, and I looked up at the barely visible stars, blinking away the evidence of my pain.

An Alpha didn’t cry.

“Only when you’re ready.” Hayden’s voice was tired and weak, reminding me I hadn’t bothered to ask how he was after burying two of our fallen.

His shoulders rose and fell, his face grim but determined.

“One more week,” I offered hopelessly. One more week of trying to survive the worst of what the Haven and the invading city of Asrar could give.

“One more week,” he agreed as we sat stoically in our collective grief, watching the sun lift beyond the dunes in the distance, welcoming in a new day.

Though this time, it didn’t bring any hope.

RAYA

Iawoke with a fractured heart. I could have sworn I felt it cracked inside me, a physical, pulsing wound made more evident by the consistent flare of sharp pain in my chest. My entire body hurt, muscles and bones pinching in protest as I lifted myself up off the uncomfortable desert floor and looked around wildly for Bodhi, only to see nothing at all around me.

A pained sound escaped me.

My mum was gone.

So too was Bodhi.

Now, I was utterly alone, and I had no one to blame but myself.

I slumped back down onto the floor, casting my sight to the sky. Would it be easier to just wither away and die out here?

It felt like it.

Until Riley’s face flashed in my mind and reminded me there was still her. And Bodhi, though I doubt he wanted anything more to do with me. I couldn’t blame him.

Never in my life had I hated myself more than in this moment. I hadn’t been enough last night, and I desperately wished I was—not smart enough to execute a plan, not powerful enough to beat them or fight them.

I didn’t even know if I could face anybody, especially not Riley. How could I tell my sister that the reason our mum was gone was because of me?

The pain in my chest amplified.

Maybe I should let the animals of the desert eat away at me and take with it my guilt, my grief, this damn pain.

But then Riley would have lost her entire biological family in one night, and I thought about the intensity of her grief and knew I couldn’t do it. I needed to protect what little I could of her, even if it meant admitting what I did and ruining everything. Even if it meant living out the rest of my life alone.

Pain tightened my throat.

But it was those thoughts of Riley that forced me to pull myself up off the floor and rise on shaky legs.

I took a single step forward, then another.

I couldn’t even feel any inkling of my gift inside me, no matter how incessantly I urged it forward. There was no response.

Defective. Murderer.

The cuffs on my wrist were utterly useless too. The only thing they were good for was getting me into more trouble in a city that tolerated none of it.

Still, I persisted, moving not because I truly wanted to, but because I had to, not for me, but for Riley. Her and Bodhi were the only two reasons I could bear this pain.

I moved past the compound, not wanting to go inside, instead trudging past it, further and further away from the barrier that separated me from my mum and towards an empty home.

If only to hide for a day.

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