Page 43 of Of Daggers and Deceit

No matter how alive, hopeful, or seen he made me feel, he was forbidden.

Yet somehow, our collision seemed inevitable now, our courses set.

At the very least, I could only hope that it was me who made it out alive.

RILEY

Something about today felt critical, especially when the past couple of days had been so slow. Zander had been in and out of the apartment, minimally attentive, as was usual for him as of late.

So I’d retreated to the garden as often as I could. It was a perfect place to think.

I leaned over on a bench and twirled my hand through the icy pond water. I dragged my fingers back and forth rhythmically along its surface, watching the multicoloured fish darting in and out of sight to hide amongst the plants. The garden’s floral perfume filled my nose on each inhale as I sighed out in a private moment of bliss. This truly was a bit like a sanctuary, a relaxing haven of peace and beauty.

When I closed my eyes, I could pretend the world was anything other than the one in which I lived.

Joy fluttered inside me when I envisioned this future. I could see myself working within the community, sharing my love of food like Mum, bringing laughter and ease to another’s day. Perhaps I would have a pet I could care for at home. I’d have a small house with a big garden to grow herbs for tea, with vegetables and flowers to share.

I sighed again, this time with resignation.

The likelihood of it ever happening was so slim, I shouldn’t even waste my time thinking about it.

It was laughable, because Zander hated animals. Everything else was literally the most undesirable thing on the planet for a male who loved the finer things in life. Even if I achieved what I wanted, I would be stuck with him. Not that it was all bad—it was just lonely at times.

My eyelid cracked open at the approach of scuffling feet. I straightened myself up, chin held high, back to the poise expected of the Rose.

“You need to show them how untouchable you are, my Rose. You are someone they could never be, no matter how much they try. They are all beneath you.” Zander’s words bounced around in my mind, a testament to our difference. I wanted to walk alongside others, hand in hand. He wanted to walk in front of them.

Sly popped his head around a tall rose bush, allowing me to slump in relief. I’d decided we were friends at this point, confident in each other’s trust, the keepers of each other’s secrets.

I hadn’t been able to shake the feelings he stirred within me, my body and heart clinging to the moments that passed between us, so desperate for a glimpse at a connection like this.

I realised now all Zander had been giving me were the crumbs of what love could be.

“Everything all good here, Riles?”

I smiled warmly. “Everything is all good, Sly. Thank you for looking out for me.” I was being formal, and I hated it.

He turned away with a small tip of his head, mirroring my formality. He knew I’d kept my distance, kept to being polite.

My focus had to be on Zander, though. He was likely to be my future. Zander and I had only kissed and cuddled on occasion; it had never progressed further. It seemed like he was happy to wait for the day I begged for him, but I would never beg. I think he honestly believed that every single female within the Haven adored and wanted him, that our merging was inevitable: the Supreme and his darling Rose. I scoffed aloud.

To his detriment, he was skimpy in his affections, and I had tired of him in recent weeks.

Since Sly had wound his way in.

In the meantime, my sex life was about as life-filled as the desert in which Raya worked. It had been that achingly long.

But I wasn’t prepared to give myself over to Zander, not yet. I intended to hold my cards close. Zander perceived me to be the equivalent of a sacred chalice, one he was so desperate to drink from, even if he would never admit it. I could use a thing like that to my advantage.

The wind picked up around me, icy and ominous, so I pulled the blanket around me tighter to my chest.

I turned back to the pond and peered beneath the surface at the fish huddling together, seeking comfort. Even they needed connection.

The surface of the water rippled and cleared with each gust of wind as browning leaves rustled on the ground.

A light crunch behind me pulled my attention away from the peace of the moment. My body reflexively tensed in response to the disturbance. I prayed to Omni quietly in my head. Don’t be him. Please don’t be him. My quiet moments alone were becoming rarer and rarer, with a guard ever present, and this time spent in the garden was the one place I had as my own.

I curved my lips into a graceful smile, and I turned towards the sound, prepared.

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