Page 49 of Of Daggers and Deceit

My lips parted in surprise at the way he addressed me. Even though I should feel encouraged from his statement, I felt slightly hurt. Some days, I felt like I couldn’t please anyone.

My head dipped towards my lap as I drew my lips between my teeth. I needed to distract from wherever that conversation would head.

“Will you tell me about the female I remind you of?” I spoke the words softly, the wind lifting and taking them right towards him. I lifted my head again to find him watching me, his expression more pained than before.

He opened his mouth to speak and closed it again, the vein on the side of his head ticking as he clenched his jaw.

I looked away, embarrassed that I had asked. I didn’t have a right to intimate information like that.

“She was perfect,” he began, forcing me to look back up at him. “Always so perfect, like she didn’t even have to try. Everything she did was for others, and the way she lit up when she helped people, it was like the sun emerging from behind the clouds right after a storm swept in.” He paused, a smile on his face.

“She loved the garden and the children from our village who would come down and help her. They trampled so much, yet she never complained, only showed them how to nurture and grow something from seed to harvest. She wasn’t Gifted, but the way she worked with plants and how well they responded to her, she might well have been hiding it from us.”

I leaned forward, smiling painfully as he spoke. She sounded wonderful. Perhaps someone I might have called a friend had I known her.

“She had the most brilliant smile, gave the best massages in existence, and her laugh…” He stops, his eyes glistening as he stared up at the sky above. “Hearing her laugh brought more joy to my life than anything else before. It’s the one thing I wish to hear again most of all.”

My chest hurt when he spoke, and I fought against the flood of grief that threatened to breech my shore. Zander would never speak of me like this. Sly’s voice was filled to the brim with his emotions. I longed for that, but I would never choose myself over others.

And beneath all the pain and longing was that same unexpected twist of jealousy. Not of her, but of what she had: someone who loved her so fiercely, if only for a short while.

I blinked, an awareness creeping in that silence had seized the space between us and filled it with unspoken grief. I needed to speak, to say something to keep the conversation moving, anything to bury what his story had stirred.

“It sounds like you loved her very much.” Pathetic response, but my voice cracked at the end. I felt devastatingly lonely.

“Do you love him?” He’d asked a question I couldn’t have anticipated. No one had ever asked me this, only assumed it. My wide eyes locked on his.

He stared at me with that same funny expression I couldn’t even begin to name. Pity, perhaps? I don’t know. Either way, his question wasn’t one I could answer, not when my response would draw that pity right up to the surface—or seemingly strengthen whatever fragile connection existed between Sly and me. But the look on his face told me he wanted the answer, like it was the last barrier keeping him doing something drastic and terrible to pursue this connection, even if I knew it wouldn’t even compare to what he had with her.

I felt defeated.

When I didn’t respond, he turned his head away, his jaw clenching again. Seeing the hurt on his face made the feelings inside me worsen.

“Sorry, Riley. Just ignore my question.”

“It’s okay.” I was a skilled liar these days. Once again, I was failing someone, and there was already so much resting on my shoulders that if I had one slip up, everything I was working towards would tumble.

Eager for that distraction, I moved up to my knees, the pillows cushioning them from the hardwood bench as I twirled my body to look out between two luminous petals.

I knew the desert was behind me, a landscape I was familiar with yet despised. The outlook marking the other side of the Haven stood in direct opposition to the barren wasteland behind me in all its riotous traits. Hundreds of white buildings flushed the land ahead of me to the edge of the cliff, and then it was nothing but a sheer drop, down to the violent desires of the sea.

We were lucky to have access to water here, the shield stretching hundreds of metres out in the ocean before blocking our access to the world. This side of the Haven was the most generous, gifting our city with meat from fishing and drinking water through our filtration plant.

I popped my head up between the petals and looked down towards the rose garden, which rimmed the base of the tower in all its twilight perfection. Movement near the side gates drew my attention towards a small entry point to see Zander weaving his way through the paths, lightly touching rosebuds along the way.

My first instinct was to panic due to him being back so early and my small bit of freedom being cut short sooner than I’d expected. But it immediately settled into curiosity the moment he bypassed the turn that led towards the front door, instead choosing one further into his oasis.

Where is he going?

He signalled to a guard with a simple raise of his hand. The guard whistled to the others, who all moved from the rear of the building to stand guard at the front without a word.

“What are you doing, Riley?” I hadn’t heard Sly get up and move closer, though his voice sounded near. I couldn’t move to address him with my neck trapped between two petals.

I continued to follow Zander’s movements, all the way to the back of the building, his pace brisk and urgent, as if running behind on time. He was always early.

“Guard watching.” My answer was stunted and vague, my mind too riveted on the scene far below me.

I couldn’t think as I watched him, too focused on the oddity of the situation. Zander always had his guards follow him, even in his garden.

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