Page 99 of Hidden But Not Safe

Naz did, his words a little halting as he figured out what he wanted to say and focused on each syllable as he went. It had gotten easier the more he did it, but it would never be easy. Certain words felt almost natural. Her name was always on his lips, coming out without any thought at all.

Meg asked questions sometimes to keep him talking, but she mainly listened. He’d accepted that she really did like the sound of his voice, even if it still sounded wrong to him.

Her heart beat steadily against his as he continued to hold her after he’d run out of things to say.

Meg eventually kissed his neck and pulled away. “I’ll work on dinner.”

She talked about her day while moving around the kitchen. She was studying to take her GED, and all the math annoyed her. History was boring, but science was interesting. The GED had been Ramiro’s idea. He’d been encouraging her to take some college courses after, though she made a face whenever Ramiro brought it up.

Meg put Naz’s food in his favorite thermos. It had become easier to eat, and Meg found ways to add variety. He listened to her talk about science, some table she had to memorize, and he liked the way her excitement grew as she spoke. She was fascinated by the universe today, which elements were around most.

It made him remember when she’d asked him about aliens.

Meg giggled, his favorite sound in the world. “Don’t tell me you’re thinking about aliens again.”

Naz liked how she could read his mind. Even though speaking had become easier, there was something soothing about not needing words with her.

More than speaking and eating had become easier for Naz because of Meg. He made love to her often. If he focused on her first, he became hard before he could worry about it, and there was peace in knowing he’d made her feel good no matter what happened after. His erections didn’t always last. He’d never be completely healed. Mental scabs peeled back at odd moments, stealing his desire for her. Meg never blamed him for it. She told him how much she loved him instead.

When they were getting ready for bed, he emptied his pockets on the dresser. He rolled a small giraffe between his fingers. It wasn’t the first one he’d gotten out of a quarter machine. They’d left that behind the night the cartel had come for them.

His eyes met Meg’s in the mirror. She’d already crawled into bed, still wearing his shirt. Her soft, genuine smile slid over his skin.

His giraffe looked good when he placed it next to hers. They’d bought them together, and Meg carried hers whenever she wore something with pockets. The small figures were cuter than that cheap one, with the long necks that Meg loved.

His phone vibrated on the dresser. The background when the screen lit up was still a picture of their first kiss. They had many other pictures together now, but he hadn’t wanted to change it.

Ramiro’s text was simple. ‘It’s done.’

Naz carried it over to where Meg waited, turning the phone.

As her eyes stared at the screen, time stretched. “Oh,” was all she said before turning away to pull down the sheets.

Her face looked so blank. Naz set down the phone, hurrying to remove his clothes and pulling on a pair of sleep shorts. He still preferred not to sleep naked.

As soon as the bed dipped beneath him, Meg rolled into his body, wrapping herself around him. He pulled her in close, burying his nose in her hair as she found her place against his neck.

His skin there grew damp, and he pulled her in a little tighter.

“Meg?”

She continued to cry silently, and he worried he’d done the wrong thing.

Meg opened up most at night. Whenever memories pressed in on her, instead of keeping them buried, she told him about them. She’d encouraged Naz to do the same, and she knew more about why he was the way he was now, but he’d stopped soon after trying, and she understood. Naz felt worse talking about it. He’d had his first episode in over a year because he’d talked about it, though the episode was different. He lost time, but he didn’t come back to find bodies he’d created.

The monsters in his head remained mostly silent in recent days.

Meg’s monsters still haunted her. Especially her father.

Naz had offered a suggestion, but he never wanted to force her. A week ago, she’d told him she was ready.

Ramiro still had connections. A hit inside a prison wouldn’t take much.

“Meg?” he asked again. He worried he’d made things worse for her.

“Is he sure?” Meg asked.

She pulled away from him, and Naz’s fingers stroked over her face, wanting to erase her tears.

---