Page 34 of The System

“Is this even allowed?”

“Us having lunch at the same diner? I don’t know that they can stop us from doing that,” Carina said.

“Diego won’t like it.”

“I suspect that’s not as much about you and me having lunch or drinks as it is about him wanting you back and seeing you move further and further away.”

“Because I’m having lunch with you?” Kieran asked.

“Because you correct it when anyone calls you Miss or Mrs.Hart. That’s got to sting a little.”

“I know I need to change my name back, but it’s such a hassle with all the paperwork. I thought I’d do it next year sometime, but then I figured maybe I’d just change it again if I got married a second time. So, not sure if I will or not, really.”

“Do you want to change your name again?” Carina asked.

“I know I don’t want it to be Hart forever. And if I meet someone and we get married, I’d probably just change it to their name, yeah. Why?”

“I suppose it might be different for lesbians. Some change their names, but it’s more of a decision because it’s two women and not a patriarchal thing. Most I know, they don’t even bother. I know some hyphenate, but that’s filling out paperwork, too.”

“You wouldn’t change your name?”

“No, I like my name.” Carina smiled and sipped her coffee.

“Would you want her to change it?” Kieran asked.

“That would be up to her. I guess if she wants to, she can. And if she really feels strongly about hyphenating, we could talk about that.”

“What about kids? You wouldn’t want them to have your last name or hers, I guess? Doesn’t that complicate things?”

“I don’t want kids,” Carina replied.

“No?”

“Nope. Good where I am in my life with my choices, and not having kids works for me. I’d like to find a woman to marry one day, but if she wants a commitment but not a ceremony, that’s fine with me, too. I don’t need a wedding. I just want someone to be with me, you know?”

Kieran took a drink of her coffee and said, “This isn’t how I saw myself starting over.”

“The coffee?” Carina joked.

Kieran didn’t laugh, but she did smile.

“We did the counseling thing, but I knew I still wanted to separate. Diego and I had always been on the no-kids bus, and then one day, he started to press me for them.”

“He changed his mind?”

“I don’t even think it was that. He just wanted to make partner, and all the partners there have kids who are taken care of by their spouses or their nannies. I think he just wanted to have the pictures on his desk and the stories to tell about them winning games or doing well in school to keep up with everyone. It’s the same reason he’s building a game room in the basement and thinking about adding a gym. He doesn’t want to be a parent. He just wants the leg up at work.”

“I’ve never understood that. My boss, along with just about everyone else high up here, have kids, and I’ve never thought about having one of my own just to fit in with the parents.”

“That was the end for me,” Kieran shared. “He can find some other woman to con into taking care of his kids when he won’t be around to help. I thought I’d get a new job and move to a new town. I have a nice apartment, but I’d buy a house later, and maybe I’d join a dating app or something. I haven’t been on a first date since Diego.”

“Not one since you separated?”

Kieran shook her head and replied, “Diego’s the only person I’ve ever been with. You have to understand that I’m really a big nerd.” She laughed. “I don’t get out much, and in college, all I wanted to do was code and play video games. Diego seemed to like that about me when all the other guys around wanted nothing to do with me in a romantic sense because they wanted me to be a friend they could play games with. I was really good at that, but otherwise, I was shy and awkward, and my acne wasn’t fully dealt with yet.” Kieran laughed again. “But Diego didn’t care, and he even liked me for it. When he went to law school, we decided to break up and just keep in touch because we didn’t want to do long-distance. He had some fun and dated a little. I didn’t. Then, we got back together, and that was it. Now, I’m single after a million years and have no idea what to do about it, but I want someone, too. A wedding is whatever. I’ve had one of those. I want the person to wake up to.”

Carina smiled softly at her and said, “I get it.”

“I wasn’t supposed to find out about a sister who maybe killed someone,” Kieran added. “And now, I’m waiting on a probably terrible BLT with the woman who is prosecuting her because I’d rather be here with her than my ex-husband, who still thinks he has a chance.”

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