Page 60 of A Wedding in the Bay

The two friends continued to talk as they sipped their tea and ate their scones. Their conversation turned gradually to other things, such as how fun the wedding had been and Alissa and Dane’s baby. Before long, they’d finished their tea and scones, and Johanna’s heart was thumping again.

She kept telling herself that now was the time to open up to Marsha and tell her what had been on her mind, but she felt tongue-tied. She told herself it was silly to feel nervous, but she couldn’t help feeling that bringing up her worries seemed like taking a step off a cliff into the unknown. She wasn’t quite sure how to voice what she was struggling with, and she worried that she wouldn’t be able to find the words even if she did find the courage.

Marsha stood up, smiling, and took their dishes over to the kitchen sink. “As long as you’re already here,” she said, her eyes twinkling, “how about another knitting lesson?”

“Sure.” Johanna felt relieved—she could stay longer and give herself more time to bring up what was on her mind to her friend. “I’d love one. Maybe someday I can knit a sweater for Everett that I don’t feel totally ashamed of.”

Marsha chuckled. “Even if it’s not perfect, a sweater is an amazing feat for a new beginner like yourself. You should be very proud of yourself. Not ashamed in the slightest.”

“I don’t think I can help feeling a little ashamed.” Johanna laughed. “You know how much of a perfectionist I am.”

Marsha pursed her lips, her expression almost mischievous. “But what makes something perfect? A lack of mistakes, or a whole lot of appreciation? You don’t find fault with Everett even though he isn’t perfect. You expect him to be human. Let your sweater be human—metaphorically speaking.”

Johanna laughed, but she had to admit that Marsha’s advice had stirred her heart. Her friend had made a good point. She didn’t criticize the people she loved in the same way she criticized her own work. She realized that she had become less critical of a person overall since coming to Blueberry Bay, because she was learning to value other things more than perfection. Things like kindness, and a genuine spirit—things that Everett had.

She frowned for a moment, realizing how much everything was changing for her. Not only had she moved to a new place and started dating the kind of man she never would have expected herself to date, but she herself was changing. For a moment, she felt completely overwhelmed. Her feelings weren’t negative, but there were so many of them that she felt a little as if she was on a roller coaster.

Marsha was busy at the sink in her kitchen and didn’t notice Johanna’s expression. By the time her friend had turned around, Johanna was smiling brightly again, wanting to conceal the fact that she was feeling overwhelmed.

“Let’s go into the craft room and get comfortable,” Marsha said. “I think today we should try to tackle a diamond stitch. We can just start with scarves. Something straightforward.”

“Sure. I’d love to learn how to do a diamond stitch. Do you think I’m ready for something like that though?”

“Don’t doubt yourself, Miss Johanna. You knitted a whole sweater already, remember?”

Johanna smiled and followed Marsha into her cozy, well-organized craft room. Late afternoon sunlight was spilling across the floor in flickering patterns, and the room looked warm and inviting. They settled themselves into a couple of armchairs by the window and Marsha began the knitting lesson.

“Remember that as your fingers get used to the motions, you won’t have to think about it as much,” she instructed gently, watching Johanna’s fumbling fingers with a patient eye. “The more you get used to it, the more your fingers will know what to do automatically. I know it feels like a lot right now, but soon, it’ll feel easier.”

Johanna paused and lifted her eyes from her knitting. Marsha’s words had been about the stitches Johanna was trying to make, but when she heard them, she immediately thought about her situation with Everett.

“Something the matter?” Marsha asked, noticing the way Johanna was frowning a little.

Johanna shook her head, starting to evade the topic yet again, and then she stopped herself. This was the moment. She needed to tell her friend about what she was thinking and feeling. Not only did she need some advice, but she owed it to Marsha to be open with her.

“Well… it’s not that something’s the matter, not really, but there is something on my mind. What you said about ‘it feels like a lot right now, but soon, it’ll feel easier’ felt like it pertains even more to my life than it does to knitting.”

“What’s on your mind?” Marsha asked, setting her knitting down and giving her friend her full attention. “What in your life feels like a lot right now? Everett?”

Johanna nodded, fighting the feelings of embarrassment that she’d been trying to avoid feeling. She felt a little ashamed for having doubts about her relationship with Everett. After all, he was a wonderful man and she was growing exceedingly fond of him. She didn’t have any real reasons for having doubts, but it was as if her emotions were happening in spite of herself.

“It’s not that I don’t want to be with him, I do, I do very much,” she began, feeling immediately that she was making a mess of things. She didn’t know how to express what was on her mind. “But… well, I don’t know. While we’d been keeping our relationship a secret, it felt easy. It didn’t seem to have as much pressure as it does now. Now that everything’s out in the open like this, I’m starting to question us. I guess I’m scared,” she added honestly, and Marsha reached out and squeezed her hand.

“Love is scary,” she said firmly but kindly. “Don’t feel bad about feeling that way. But love is also worth the risk, especially when it’s for someone as kind and caring as Everett.”

Johanna nodded, feeling better already. “Everything felt easy and simple when we were sneaking around in our bubble. It was like we were living in our own world, and—well, I don’t know, it was like I could pretend the stakes weren’t as high as they are. Now that we’ve told other people about our relationship, I’m suddenly very aware of how it would feel if things didn’t work out.”

She inhaled, trying not to picture too vividly how hurt she would feel if things between her and Everett ended.

“Do you have any reason to believe that things wouldn’t work out?” Marsha asked.

“Well, no, but it seems to me that assuming they’re going to work out is naïve. Shouldn’t I be preparing myself for the worst, in case it happens?”

Marsha shook her head firmly. “Absolutely not. If there are warning signs, acknowledge them, but don’t go looking for trouble when it isn’t there. That’s a sure way to create trouble.”

Johanna gave her friend a wobbly smile, realizing how right she was. “That’s very good advice for me to keep in mind.” She sighed. “I need to talk myself out of feeling nervous. I’m starting to doubt things that I wasn’t doubting at all before everything came out at the wedding.”

“Like what?”

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