Page 18 of Broken Wolf

“Oh, sorry, it’s Monday before coffee.”

To which he replied by handing me a latte.

That worked.

We sat down and he fixed me a plate. It looked like he’d cooked the scrambler but picked up a fruit platter and some other items when he grabbed our coffees.

“It looks great, thanks,” I muttered.

“I didn’t know how to say what I was feeling without sounding rude,” he told me, jumping right into it. “It all sounds so harsh and a bit mean to my ears, and I kept thinking of how to say it better or rephrase it so I’m not a complete asshole. But I can’t. I can’t figure out a way, and not talking to you sooner hurt you, so please, please just understand that and forgive me.”

He waited until I gave a slow nod to continue.

“First, I know you’re going to talk to Phobie more about what you said, and I want to talk to her as well. But I wanted to address it with you as well because I know you’ve worried about this for a while and I don’t think you should. Not when it’s me, jelly bean.”

Again, I nodded, curious as to what he would say.

“I went to go see you speak because we heard you were the wolf infected by a Dorcus. We heard you were having trouble in Chicago—all wolf stuff. I can’t change that. But I was struck stupid by how beautiful you were. You amazed me. You wanted to be anywhere else besides in that lecture hall, but I’m not sure the humans could tell that since you were so confident.

“You knew you had a job to do and were going to do it as best as you could. You were disarming and intelligent. I was instantly attracted to you, and then you remember the chemistry when we met.” A soft smile formed on his face as if remembering that fondly.

I wished I felt the same. So much had happened since then and with how abused I’d been, I was too fast to toss out the good memories.

Those could cause the most pain later when things inevitably went bad.

“But no, I wouldn’t have gone near you if you were human,” he said gently, he hurried on when I winced. “Sera, you have the same rule. It’s too dangerous. Even with as much control as I have, it’s—I’m a born wolf. A human ages—dies. Even if I infect her because we fell in love, it…” He tried to hide a smile but failed, and I didn’t understand why he was smiling.

Until I saw my hand had changed into a claw at the idea of him with another woman and falling in love.

They were just as jealous sometimes.

I let out a slow breath and got myself under control, focusing on my breakfast.

“I also don’t think you’re that different, jelly bean,” he continued. “Brian says it all the time that he still sees the newbie who walked into his office even if now you run the office. I think—as many of us do—you were meant to be a wolf. I think if you were just a normal, born shifter I would absolutely have fallen in love with you. Even a fairy. Anyone who wouldn’t die on me.”

And that was fair. That was absolutely fair.

“I’m not upset and I’m not judging you guys,” I told him honestly. “And we’ve already had this discussion. Several times with a few of you because I know this is my hang-up and where I get stuck. Even with the pack and—it’s my shit. I don’t think this is a big thing or something we’re going to trip over.”

He didn’t look so sure.

I sighed. “I think I just needed to calmly hear what you said. What you said was fair and logical and not about me.” I opened my mouth and then closed it, deciding to be honest with him. “I have trouble seeing that I’m worth loving, Reagan. To me, it’s not so much about human versus wolf but how much shit I come with versus now I’m powerful and bring enough that—”

“You’re worth it,” he mumbled, scrubbing his neck when I nodded. “Okay, now I’m really going to be an asshole when I say the next part, but please understand that I love you so much that—it’s not your power, Sera.” He gave me a pained look. “Sometimes I dream you’re Alpha of a small pack like Virgil and I’m your Beta. Just us.”

Wow. Wow. I did not see that coming.

“I don’t say that to hurt you, jelly bean,” he rasped. “It’s not often. Just sometimes when it feels like the storm will eat us and I wonder what—how happy we could be if in another life we had calm like that. We both like calm better. Calm nights in. Reading dates. That’s…”

I nodded. “Please just say what you’re thinking. I can feel how torn up you are. Let’s just get this out and figure out how to handle it. I won’t be mad if it’s crass.”

He let out a shaky breath. “Let’s finish this first point. I didn’t take offense to what you said. I heard you when you were telling Dain why you forgive Brian more. He speaks Sera. You guys have known each other so much longer. I just wanted to say that I don’t think you’re all that different than you were as a human. He doesn’t. I think it’s just we all change and mature—handle more.”

Again, totally fair, and I accepted that. And I was glad he understood that it was specific to answering Dain, not picking a fight like how it came out.

“The storms are getting pretty bad for me,” he told me bluntly. “So no, I’m not attracted to your power; I love you in spite of it. We have so much extra shit because you’re powerful. Yes, you can protect more, but—it’s always fucking on you. And then on us—the pack. It’s exhausting. I think we need more Betas too.

“And loving you—Sera, sometimes I feel like I’m in a telenovela. Next, you’re going to have an identical twin sister you didn’t know about and adopted out and trained to be the ultimate clairvoyant weapon or something crazy. Or even if you don’t take it to that extreme, but… It wouldn’t be the weirdest thing if you did end up having a twin.

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