Page 4 of The Captain

I can’t.

I won’t.

I refuse.

Tanner put his hand on Mick’s door. “Wait.”

Turning back to me, there’s a sliver of hope resting in his eyes. “Yes?”

I groaned and stomped my foot. “Fine! I’ll do it. But only one hour a week.” I hold up a finger. “And I demand chocolate for every session.”

“You’ll also get paid,” he said as if I hadn’t thought about that. “The school offers incentives for all the athletes’ tutors.”

“Good,” I replied.

“And I need at least three hours a week. He has a test in a few weeks he needs a B or better for.”

I shook my head. “I can’t handle three hours of Lincoln Ellis, captain of the douche squad.” Tanner gave me a look, and I winced. “Sorry, I just mean…well, you’ve met him, right? I mean, I can’t be alone in this.”

“I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen two people dislike the other more than you and Lincoln do, but I’m just asking you to do a job for me. You don’t have to like him.” Tanner tilted his head back and forth like he was considering something. “Actually, the meaner you are, the better. Don’t let him walk all over you.”

In that moment, I wished I could have said, “Of course he won’t.” I wished I could act like he wouldn’t walk all over me, like I wouldn’t allow him to act shitty toward me, like I wouldn’t just bite my tongue and look the other way.

But that’s exactly what I’ll do, because fighting with him, having confrontation, made hives break out on my neck in fear of anyone hating me.

The only reason I allowed our hate for each other to continue was the hurt that I couldn’t seem to let go of.

But, instead of being honest with Tanner, I just said a quiet, “Okay.”

“Great.” Tanner gave me a soft grin and held out the chocolate for me to take. I took it, putting it into the pocket of my hoodie, and pulled my sleeves down over my hands.

“Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go see my girlfriend before she passes out on me.”

I nodded and bid him good night, taking my new treat to my bedroom and quietly shutting the door. I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror hanging beside my door and sighed. My pale skin had a red sheen to it, typical for me after getting worked up over something, and my blonde hair was still in its frizzy oversized bun on top of my head, my black hoodie swallowing me.

I shuffled to my bed, making sure I had my current read handy, and collapsed into the pillows.

For a moment, I stared at the ceiling, covered in the glow in the dark star map I bought for myself that mimicked the sky of one of my favorite fantasy novels.

I closed my eyes, wishing I could escape my current reality and go there right now, to a land that would give me purpose, to a place where I would find a group of friends that would treat me like family and a man who would treat me like a queen.

I opened my eyes.

Still home.

I love my friends in the real world, I would do anything for them and them for me, but I would absolutely take that fictional boyfriend who handed me the world right about then.

I sat back against the mountain of pillows I had for myself, stripping the leggings off my legs and admiring the dozens of tattoos that covered them.

It was one of the only things I loved about myself, the art I chose to decorate my body with.

Otherwise, I was a plump girl with too wide of hips, cellulite, and a soft belly. Not average like my two besties, but “oversized.”

So instead of hating that about myself or trying very hard not to hate that about myself, I leaned into it.

I worked out, ate healthy, took care of my mental health, and read fantasy books to escape from the real world. Oh, and I got tattoos to cover up the fact that I was insecure.

Some might take offense to my best friend’s boyfriend buying me candy to ply me with, but it was only because he knew they were my favorites, and because Tanner is such a great guy, I knew he did that because he genuinely wanted to make me happy.

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