Page 42 of Finding You

Dallas ran fingers through his hair. “Sorry. I just…” Fuck, why was this so hard?

“Did you do something bad?”

Dallas looked at him. “I don’t think it was bad. Maybe it was bad. Jesus, I didn’t even think about how it might make him feel, and?—”

“Hey, bud?”

Dallas went quiet, taking a couple of calming breaths. “I kissed him. He kissed me? I don’t…” No, he had definitely kissed Kylen. “I mean, I kissed him, and he kissed me back.”

Adele looked up at him for a long moment, then pressed his hands to the tops of his thighs and stood. His muscles rippled. Dallas had a sudden, wild thought that he should be attracted to Adele. If he wasn’t straight—if he liked men—he should like this man. He was objectively gorgeous, and kind, and always took care of Dallas.

So what the fuck was wrong with him that he felt nothing?

“You gonna puke? You’re really pale, bud.”

Dallas wasn’t sure. He was definitely panicking. “Why don’t I want to have sex with you?” he blurted.

Adele blinked at him. “I’m sorry. What?”

“I mean…” He let out a laugh, which quickly turned hysterical, and he groped for the chair behind him before sitting down. “Oh. I think I’m having a crisis.”

Adele was in front of him a second later, dropping to his knees. He placed his hands on Dallas’s knees, and the pressure was very grounding. His breathing started to calm down. “You’re definitely having something. You’re not making a whole lot of sense right now.”

Dallas let out a high, tight laugh. “I know. I’m sorry. I feel like a jigsaw puzzle that’s spilled all over the floor.”

“Then let’s start putting you together,” Adele said matter-of-factly. He took Dallas’s hands in his and squeezed. “You kissed a man. Which means you think you like men?”

“I think like a man,” Dallas corrected.

“I’m going to take a leap and guess it’s Kylen.”

He nodded miserably.

“You kissed him, and you liked it,” Adele went on.

Swallowing thickly, he nodded again. “Yeah.”

“And now you want to…fuck me?” Adele bit his lip for a second. “I’m sorry, babe, I am so confused.”

“I don’t want to fuck you,” Dallas clarified. “I was just wondering why I don’t want to fuck you.”

“Let’s back up here, and let me ask why you think you should want to fuck me?”

Dallas pulled his hands away, rubbing at his eyes and groaning. “I’ve been doing a lot of reading. Probably too much because right now, my head feels like it’s just a bunch of jumbled words, but yeah. I think I’m greysexual. Grey-ace,” he clarified. “Asexual.”

“Yes,” Adele said patiently. “I understand the ace spectrum. And you think you’re on it?”

“Yeah. I definitely like Kylen. I’ve already accepted that. I just don’t understand why it’s him. Why isn’t it you? You’re sweet and gorgeous, and you and I get along really well.” Dallas started to feel that weird, panicked sensation in his gut again. Then, the edges of his face started going numb. “It doesn’t make sense. All the websites say that if you’re greysexual, you catch feelings for people you have a strong connection to. And you’re my best friend?—”

“Okay, hold on,” Adele said. It looked like he was fighting back a laugh, which made Dallas feel even worse. “First of all, I love you. You’re one of my best friends in the whole world. You’re also incredibly gorgeous, and you’re funny and kind and a really good dad. But I don’t want to fuck you.”

“Uh.”

Adele’s lips twitched, but he still didn’t smile. He held Dallas’s gaze firmly. “You can be greysexual without having romantic or sexual feelings for everyone you’re close to. There are no rules about who you must or must not fall for. There doesn’t have to be logic behind it, babe. All of my friends are objectively gorgeous, but they’re not people I want to date.”

“I just wish it made better sense,” Dallas said miserably. “I wish I was normal.”

Adele’s mouth opened, then closed, and Dallas had a feeling he was going to lecture him on the idea of normal before changing his mind. Adele’s shoulders sagged, and he lifted higher up on his knees so they were almost eye-to-eye. “I get it.”

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