Page 48 of Líadan's Code

“I used to hide from my father whenever I could,” I explain. “Brendan was in Ireland for a summer, and I didn’t want to deal with Daddy. I made a mistake and hid in his office to sketch when I was twelve, not realizing he had a meeting with Brendan’s father, Cormac, and my uncle. Daddy smelled my hair conditioner and outed me.”

“And?” Jordan growls in question.

“They did their best to make me scream,” I answer. Lifting my hand, I show him my slightly bent middle finger. “This finger was never set and healed crooked. Brendan’s dad has an awful temper, and used to beat him regularly until Daddy put a stop to it. He called it a liability to all of the resources he was putting into him as his future enforcer. So, when that ended, his father was allowed to beat the fuck out of me.”

“I refused to leave ever again,” Brendan grunts. “Our world isn’t soft or normal. Seán made a plan that day to turn Lía into the scariest person in the room.”

“He didn’t care how he did it, either,” I whisper, shivering as I remember the night I lost the last of my innocence.

“Will you tell me?” Jordan asks softly. “I’m not asking to be nosy, either. Bruin said some things that showed me some of what may have happened, but I want to know because I’m drawn to you. I don’t know what that means or what either of you may want…”

“I told Lía life is too damn short to close yourself off to only one person,” Brendan reveals as I kick him. “It’s true, beautiful, I did. You don’t know what she’s survived, though, or what she had to do to hold onto the scraps of sanity she has.”

“I don’t have that history, that’s true,” he says with a nod. “Bruin said some pretty derogatory things that make me think he was part of it all.”

“He bragged about it?” I ask, disgusted. I’m so used to feeling numb, it’s a surprise when rumblings of emotion come to the surface. “God, I fucking hate seeing him. Moving out of the house helped limit our interactions which has been a relief.”

“When did you move out of the house?” he asks.

“Two years and eleven months ago,” I sigh. “The day I turned twenty, Daddy’s birthday present to me was to give me my own place. No one outside of him knows I live with Brendan. I’m pretty sure he knows that Brendan and I are closer than normal best friends, but he’s burying his head in the sand there, I think. We don’t outwardly show affection much outside of these walls, so Daddy can live in his delusions.”

“Can you tell me about the event Bruin was talking about? He acted like he’s had sex with you before,” Jordan says as gently as possible.

“I don’t really count what happened that night as sex,” I spit out. “I was supposed to spend my seventeenth birthday with Brendan. I didn’t know that, because it was a surprise. Daddy promised him that he could take me out for my birthday. Instead, Daddy insisted that I dress in this ridiculous gown to be presented to the family.”

“I fucking knew something was off,” Brendan says, his voice full of pain. It makes his words sound gravelly, making me shiver. Jordan absently rubs my knee, listening patiently.

“Seán sent me out to the warehouse to interrogate a prostitute who was speaking to a cop. It was innocent, but he had proof so I did my job. It dragged on for hours.”

“Brendan wasn’t supposed to be in the house for that party,” I whisper. “Daddy sold my virginity that night to a select few of the family. I don’t know who anyone was, I haven’t been out in public with any of them in years. It lasted hours, and no one cared how much it hurt.”

Brendan is breathing harder as he remembers how he found me, and swallows hard.

“After… Lía says she was given to Bruin. His job was to break her completely,” he says softly.

“He did,” I say. “Broken, bleeding from areas of my body I didn’t think was possible, that’s how Brendan found me in my room. I don’t remember how I got there. I think I blacked out.”

“Princess,” Jordan rasps. I’ve been staring at Brendan’s chest, refusing to glance over at him. I don’t want to see the pity, the disgust, or worst of all, the regret for my loss of innocence. It’s not a story I’ve ever shared with anyone before, not since I helped Brendan piece things together.

“Yeah?” I ask, wishing my hair was down so I could hide. Unfortunately, I’ve never been allowed to hide from a damn thing in life, and I’m not about to now.

Just look up, Líadan. You can do it.

Pulling in a breath that sounds as if I’ve been without for too long, I look at him. There’s nothing even remotely condescending or threatening about him as he gazes at me.

“God, the things you’ve survived would make most people collapse into a screaming mess,” he says reverently. “Princess, I wish you’d had someone to protect you, even though you no longer need it. You’re the biggest, baddest person in every single room you’re in. You do not, however, need to be your father’s weapon forever.”

Brendan sighs as he nods. “The Banshee is going to step into the light soon, and her father will never see it coming. She may be the scariest person in the room, but unleashed, I’m right there with her. The only difference is that I have enough control not to kill every time I am in a position to.”

“When I need to have that control, Brendan is usually by my side helping me,” I confess. “It’s not that I didn’t have a protector, either…”

I don’t want to throw Brendan under the bus for what happened. I’ve loved him my entire life, and it feels wrong to say that he didn’t protect me the best he could.

“I failed, milseán,” Brendan says, shaking his head.

“You were maybe twenty years old when it happened, right?” Jordan says, rubbing his face as he yawns. Fuck, it really is so late. “There were parameters you had to follow in order to be able to protect her, Brendan. You work for him. I didn’t mean any harm in what I said. You both deserved so much better.”

Brendan relaxes a little as he nods, his hands squeezing my thighs as he gazes at me. I know I’ll probably hate what he’s going to say next.

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