Page 13 of Líadan's Code

Forcing myself to take a breath to calm the racing of my heart as I remember the night that ended and started it all, I toss my hair over my shoulder to make a beeline for the hot chocolate a vendor boasts.

There’s nothing better on a cold day than a warm drink. It helps that it usually manages to bat away any lingering anxiety and sad thoughts when they creep up on me.

Drink firmly in hand, I walk through the market to see if there’s anything else that catches my eye. A fall candle, gorgeous flowers, and a slice of chocolate cake for Brendan all find their way into my oversized canvas shopping bag, as I move through the park filled with vendors. I feel calmer as I window shop, which is why Brendan shooed me out the door today.

It’s shark week in our home, and I currently have cravings for sugar-filled food and drinks. Brendan is doing some research for Daddy that involves knives, a power drill, and a clean up crew for afterwards.

This is a job I’m not invited to because my control isn’t great when my uterus is trying its best to unalive me. I need to be directed at jobs where the point of my being there is to cause grown men to piss themselves before I kill them brutally.

There’s a very large difference between the two.

I’m lost in my head as I focus on the soft, sweet treats waiting for me on the other side of the market. I always make it my last stop, because if I don’t, I’ll end up needing to order more because I have no fucking self control around these donuts.

Thank God they’re seasonal?—

“Oof,” I grunt as I run into a hard chest, holding my hand out to the side as a reflex, so I won’t cover us in the rest of my chocolate drink. A male’s hands steady me on my heeled boots, making me stifle a shiver.

I don’t really like to have people touch me. Brendan is the only one who gets a pass, ever. My heartbeat is loud in my ears as I swallow hard and force myself to say something, anything. I can practically hear the amusement coming from the man before me.

“I didn’t mean to run into you,” I state, taking a step back, breathing deeply. The taller man holds on for a moment longer than proper before releasing me. The man in front of me is wearing a dark-blue suit, his white shirt slightly open, and I can see a bit of ink peeking out of the conservative attire along his hands.

He has short, blond hair with a bit of white at his temples as an older man, but there’s a commanding presence to him.

He almost feels as if he’d be a safe person for the people he loves.

“It’s perfectly fine,” he says with a smile. His teeth are straight, and his hazel eyes sparkle a bit with humor only he can see. “You clearly have somewhere to be. Is someone waiting for you?”

“Ah, no,” I state, a bit embarrassed. It’s a feeling I rarely feel, but there’s something about this guy. I can see he’s just a kind man in his forties, someone completely removed from the danger and darkness of my life. Sometimes, it’s nice to have a conversation with a normal person.

“Care to tell me why I was almost showered in… ah, hot chocolate?” he asks, turning to grab a napkin for my hand.

“You don’t really need to do that,” I say, biting my lip as he begins to clean my hand.

“Pah,” he grunts. “Sticky hands suck. Now, is where you’re going a secret?”

His teasing tone makes my lips twitch and I shake my head as he throws away the napkin mess.

“Have you ever been to this market before?” I ask instead of answering. I can usually spot a Chicagoan pretty easily, but he doesn’t appear to be local. He’s too easy going while still making it very apparent that he’s in control.

I bet he’s someone important in a company. I typically hate people, but I did run into him, so it’s my fault. This man could have easily yelled at me.

“No, actually, I’ve never been here before. I’m a tour manager and the band is playing here in the city. My niece is craving something sweet, so I came to the market in search of a treat,” he says with a wry grin. “Lenny is a fucking beast when she’s pregnant.”

I nod as if I understand, but I don’t. I had complications after the multiple rapes committed the night I turned seventeen, and Brendan rushed me to the hospital when I woke up feverish and listless two days after it happened.

The surgeries are kind of a blur, but in the end they managed to get rid of the infection and save my life. Unfortunately, I now have painful menstrual cycles and a significantly lower rate of ever getting pregnant.

I probably would have been a shit mother, anyway.

“I recommend the apple cider donuts,” I say, swallowing hard. “They’re my favorite. I know something about taming beasts, and it always does the trick.”

Oh my God, who am I?

“Was that where you were off to?” he asks. “Care to escort me over? I’d hate to miss it or run into someone else.”

A weak huff of a laugh escapes as I nod. My hand is a little sticky, but I’ll survive until I get back home to wash it off. Tossing my cup in the trash, I show the man to the donut vendor. A deep inhale of the sweet treat makes me sigh happily. I’m so excited.

This is my life. I’m not complicated. Donuts and blood make me happy. Go figure.

---