Page 58 of It's Always Sonny

“PJ, do you think I care what you look like—”

“I don’t care how I look! You can’t see me like this!”

“I don’t underst—”

“Go! Leave, now!”

“PJ!”

And then her voice cracked, something I’d never heard before. “Please, you don’t understand. You of all people cannot see me like this. You have to go. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

So I left. In spite of every cell in my body screaming at me to stay, I left.

I watch her leave now with that same feeling of total futility.

This hurts almost as badly as her breaking up with me. Maybe worse, because that was about my pain. This is about hers. I watched her heart break on her face, and I don’t know how to help, and not knowing what to do is destroying me.

“What are you doing?” Sienna asks, shocked.

“I—”

“Go after her!” Lauren cries.

“You don’t get it,” I argue.

“No, you don’t get it,” Amber says. “She needs you.”

“She doesn’t need me! She doesn’t want me!”

“Are you kidding?” Sienna laughs in disbelief. “She just passed out, and she ran out of here like this is the greatest embarrassment of her life. That girl is wounded. She needs you!”

“She never let me comfort her when we were dating,” I say.

“Dude, you gotta go after her,” Daniel says.

“Shut up, Daniel! How dare you make a move on my girl?”

Daniel rolls his eyes. “Sonny. Your family asked me to talk to her in front of you. Like I’d really go after your girlfriend.”

“She isn’t my girlfriend.”

“Not with that stupid attitude, she isn’t,” Aunt Helen says.

“GO!” Sienna yells. “At the very least make sure she doesn’t faint again!”

I’m at war with myself. I want to go after her more than anything, but I don’t want to do it to gratify myself. I only want to go if it will help her.

I look around for anyone who can tell me the answer to the question burning in my chest.

And I see Ash.

She’s standing next to my mom, who must have called her and asked her to come when Parker fainted. She has tears in her eyes, and she’s holding her hands out like she can’t understand what I’m still doing here.

“Go, Sonny!” she says.

“GO!” Everyone yells, including my mom.

I go.

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