Page 54 of It's Always Sonny

All I can do is fake smile.

It’s fake smile or freeze at the rejection, and I can’t let his family see me freeze. Because when I freeze, panic attacks follow, and that’s a Parker no one can handle.

We’re at a ropes course, and never have I wanted to avoid something more than I want to avoid this.

I am deathly afraid of heights. I hate them. I don’t care if it’s ten feet or a hundred feet. If it’s not solid ground, I want nothing to do with it.

But Sienna and Chris are so excited, and Amber is already ahead of me, and Lauren is cheering me on from where she’s sitting with Sonny’s mom, and everyone has seemed so impressed by everything I’ve done so far, and I don’t want to let anyone down.

When I step into the harness, my whole body is shaking.

“You okay?” George, the ropes course instructor asks.

“Mild fear of heights,” I say.

“You got this,” Sienna says. “Ropes courses are insanely safe. Right, George?”

He nods. “Yup. And I have fifteen years of experience. You couldn’t be safer,” he says.

“See?”

I smile my fakest smile yet. And that’s when Sonny climbs up the platform.

He looks like he’s seething. I haven’t seen him this angry in … ever. “You can’t do a ropes course on that knee,” I tell him instantly.

“And you shouldn’t be doing this at all.”

“What?” Sienna asks. “Slow your roll, bro. She’s her own person. This isn’t about the trophy, is it?”

He gives Sienna a look that’s almost scathing. As scathing as he can get, anyway. “Of course it’s not about the trophy. It’s about the fact that everyone here keeps pushing Parker into doing things she doesn’t want to do.”

Parker?

Sonny never calls me Parker. I didn’t realize how much pain hearing my own name could cause me.

I thought we were getting to a comfortable place together. I thought we were getting along. Was he lying? Did he finally see what my parents have seen my whole life and decide he can’t stand to be around me?

Daniel puts his hand on Sonny’s shoulder. “Sonny, she’s a grown woman. She can advocate for herself.”

Sonny shrugs his cousin’s hand off. “She’s afraid of heights!” Sonny says pointedly.

“What better way to overcome them?”

“Through something safer! Through something she’s decided to do on her own!” Sonny comes right up to me and stares me down, and I feel so hurt that he doesn’t want me here that my smile freezes in place.

“You gotta get her out of this,” he tells George.

George looks up at me and I give him a wooden laugh.

“Stop it. It’ll be fine.”

“Why are you doing this?” Sonny whispers.

“Because I’ve changed. I’m not the girl you used to know.”

“Tell me about it. The Parker I knew would never put herself in jeopardy for other people’s approval.”

“That’s exactly what the Parker you knew did.” I whisper it so softly, I wonder if he heard me. But when he backs up like I’ve slapped him, I know he did. “George here is an expert. We only hire the best. Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s time to conquer my fear of heights.”

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