Page 43 of It's Always Sonny

“Your hair looks so much prettier down,” my mother said. “Now if you could only learn to smile along with it.”

The inside has closed, but the mark of the piercing remains. I can still feel a lump in my lobe, too, a permanent reminder that some things may scar over, but they never heal completely.

Kind of like Sonny and me.

I’d forgotten all of the reasons we didn’t work because the pain has healed over enough that it’s a memory more than a constant reminder. But if I poke and prod, I can feel the hole. The lump is impossible to ignore if I look for it.

But this isn’t only about Sonny. It’s his whole family. I need a strategy for how I’m going to survive every hour of every day. I need a plan so I’m not constantly disappointed that I spent sixty hours planning the perfect family reunion and Sonny’s family is going rogue.

If it were any other family, I could handle them going off script. Mostly.

But with this family?

Each adjustment will feel like a rejection that cuts to the core. I’m already consumed with a need for them to see me as someone worthy of planning a flipping party. This is only going to get worse.

I think about Sonny, how he was so torn between making Sienna happy and making me happy.

I think about Lauren and Amber and their kids. They all want to participate, too.

I think about Lisa and her pride in me. I think about Nonna’s steel spine and Felix’s wild spirit. I even think about that teen, Noah, and his young acolyte, Harry.

I want them all to have the family reunion of their dreams.

Why? Because this is the only time I’m ever going to get with the Luciano family, and the love these people have for each other is stronger and surer than the tide. I don’t want anyone to have a second of sorrow or disappointment. I want this to be the event of a lifetime for them, a family reunion they think back on forever.

I want it to be perfect.

A plan starts to take shape in my mind, and the more I think about it, the more excited I get.

But to pull this off, I’m going to need some serious backup.

Chapter Thirteen

Sonny

I’m exhausted, cold, and my knee aches when Sienna and I finally capture the flag for our team.

But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

For years, I’ve let football take its toll on my body, and I’ve shut down any sort of extracurricular activities that could put me in situations the league considers “risky.” When I first protested at some of the restrictions in my contract, my agent said, “You owe it to the team. They’re spending a lot of money on you, money they could spend elsewhere. You’re just lucky to be here.”

I focused on being grateful, and I buried my frustration.

Then right after I was traded to the Waves, my family announced they were taking a three-day white water rafting excursion to celebrate my Dad’s retirement. Sienna had just had her first failed IVF, and the desire to help her take her mind off her disappointment was overwhelming.

The team refused to let me go.

“You signed a contract. You owe it to the fans to be here for them.”

They were smart to bring up the fans. I love my fans. If it were just for the team, I may have tried to get around it somehow. But the fans are the best part of the game. When a fan stops me in a restaurant or on the street, it makes my day. Even when they’re angry, I like to know why they’re angry. Is it really about losing a game? Or is it about how watching games with their dad was the only thing that ever really brought them together? Does their winning remind them of the happiest times of their childhood?

Of course, sometimes it’s about how much money they lost gambling.

My answer: stop gambling and buy your wife something nice. She deserves it for putting up with you.

But I smile when I say it and I pat their shoulder, and it diffuses everything.

At any rate, I missed the family trip. My family told me to meet up with them each night of their trip, but the idea of missing them all day, missing those memories, hurt. What good could I be to Sienna if I were resentful?

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