Page 11 of It's Always Sonny

Sonny always teased me that I was the boss. Because I “made” him study and because I set up a practice and training regimen for him that most coaches would have envied, Sonny acted like I had such control over him.

I don’t think he had any clue how little control over myself I had with him in my life.

He tsks, and the sound startles me back out of my head and into the lobby.

“My ride is here. Looks like we’ll have to take a rain check. I’ll tell my family you said hi.”

Sonny moves past me on his crutches and presses the automatic door opener with the bottom of his crutch. He’s just stepping outside when my voice returns.

“Good luck with rehab, Sonny.”

He spins around easily on one foot and flashes me with a blinding smile.

“Try not to think about me, PJ.”

And then he climbs into the Black Escalade his brother, Gabe, is driving, and he winks at me as they drive off.

Dang it. I knew I should have called him Santino.

Chapter Five

Sonny

“Was that Parker?”

My brother slows in the parking lot, and I’m worried for a moment that he’s going to back up and say hi.

“Drive. Go, go!”

My head bumps against the headrest as my brother steps on it.

Gabe turns out into the street and then throws me a funny look. “What’s the story?”

“No story.”

“But that was Parker in the lobby, wasn’t it?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Gabe laughs. “Ooh hoo hoo! That was definitely her. No one else can take the sun out of Sonny.”

“So it was Parker?” A voice says over the SUV’s Bluetooth speakers. My sister, Sienna. “I bet you fifty bucks they’re back together by summer.”

I groan. “You didn’t tell me Sienna was on speaker.”

“Why should that matter?” Sienna asks. She looks a bit like a young Ann Perkins from Parks and Rec, and if you don’t know the reference, I’m sorry for you. Sienna has a light voice that would make you think she’s all unicorns and gumdrops. And she can be. But we Lucianos are a tight knit group, and the idea that I’d leave her out of something is about the worst offense I could give her.

“No reason.” I grab the handle above the door and stare out the window at the Columbia traffic. Sienna and Gabe gossip about me as if I’m not here, but I zone out like I do before a game, getting into a place of mindfulness.

My knee hurts. It’s a dull pain, nothing like last time. But I don’t want any pain.

I don’t want any pain anywhere.

I close my eyes and bring my attention into my body, letting the sounds of my siblings’ chatter fade away. I take a deep, slow breath. Then another. I focus on how the oxygen rushes through my throat and down into my lungs, giving me life. I hold the breath in, feeling the tightness and tension of my body waiting to exhale. I hold it a pause longer. And then another. And then I exhale.

I repeat this twice.

I do a scan of my entire body in this state, starting with my feet, the feeling of the cotton socks, the tightness of my laces, how one shoe is looser than the other. I hadn’t realized before this. I focus on the vibration of the car on the soles of my feet, and as that movement travels up my body, I let my awareness go with it.

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