Page 66 of How We Fooled

As I exit the classroom once the bell rings, I make sure to lock eyes with her, only to wish I hadn’t. The pain is written all over her face, and not being able to hold her is killing me.

I’m racking my brain to figure out a way to talk to her when my phone dings with a message from her.

We’re good. Just sucks some days more than others.

Sometimes, I wonder if it would be easier if I didn’t get to see her every day. Having her so close yet seemingly in a completely different world is absolute torture. We need to figure out a way to see each other, or we’ll both go insane.

I respond before I get to the couches so my friends don’t give me more shit than they already have.

We’ll figure something out to get to see each other, I promise.

When she doesn’t respond right away, I head to the couches, plop down, and vaguely register Dalton talking about having to do a school project with Natalie Spencer, his archnemesis.

Have I really been in my own world that much that I’ve missed something as big as that? Wait, is that why I had to step in between Dalton and Natalie’s brother to stop them from getting in a fight after practice the other day?

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Liza

We’ve made it to November, and today is the last football game. I don’t know why, but it makes me nervous, knowing after today, Eli won’t have any practices or games to attend until basketball starts.

Somehow, it made it easier, knowing he was busy and couldn’t talk or hang out. I was able to compartmentalize everything, telling myself that it was just like him being gone on his baseball trips this summer.

Now, no matter how much I tell myself that he’s gone and that’s why we can’t hang out, I can’t pretend when I know he’s totally free.

This should be our time together.

This should be like his days off during summer, where we spent every second together, taking his mind off of sports and just being us.

I try to keep my mind straight and focus on the future, knowing every day, the light at the end of the tunnel gets bigger and brighter.

I’m working at the football game, just like I have at every home game since I started. Though I don’t work the gate every game, I’ve figured out a way to be there as they enter so I get to be close to him for that brief moment. Tonight though, I want to really watch the game so I begged a guy teacher friend of mine to switch with me, and thankfully, he agreed.

Technically, the team has already lost their opportunity to go to playoffs, so this game, win or lose, doesn’t affect anything, so he didn’t mind switching. He didn’t know that, to me, this game means everything. This will be Eli’s last football game ever. I want to be there to watch, to support him from afar, like I have all season.

In between quarters of the JV game, I call on the radio for someone to relieve me so I can run to the restroom. I don’t want to miss a minute of Eli walking by or playing, so once they arrive, I race to handle my business.

On my way back, I see the varsity team starting to line up and look to see if Eli is out of the locker room yet. When I see Dalton standing with Natalie, I pause to see what’s going on. It was obvious at the beginning of the year that they hated each other, just as Eli told me they did. But I’ve seen a flip in them lately, and call it guilty intuition, but I suspected they were hiding something, just like we are. Seeing him write his number 81 on her face pretty much sums up that I was right.

Then, I remember Eli texting me today, saying he had one hell of a story to tell me about Dalton, so this must be it.

I turn my attention back to the team to see if Eli is out yet, and when we lock eyes, I raise mine slightly toward Dalton and Natalie, and he just nods. Yeah, he’s going to have to fill me in because rumor around school was that he spent the night in jail after her dad came at him with a shotgun. I thought it was just talk among the kids, but now, I’m dying to know what really happened.

I head back to my post, making sure I’m ready for my one touch that I get from Eli at every home game. I’ve lived for this moment every home game, hating when they were at away games. For the past two months, this is the only physical contact I’ve had with him, and I eat it up like it’s ten hours and not two seconds.

Knowing this will be the last time I get this breaks my heart, but I take a deep breath and focus on that light, knowing I made it one more day and am one step closer to the finish line.

As the guys make their way toward me, my heart starts to pound as I stare into Eli’s eyes. I wish we could tell the world how much we love each other. I want to be like Natalie, wearing his number proudly on my cheek, with his letterman jacket around my shoulders and his name permanently tattooed on my heart.

For now though, all we get is this one simple touch and secret phone calls and text messages.

When he walks by, I’m surprised when he doesn’t just brush past me, but he grabs my hand, squeezing it for one second, then letting go. That one second was exactly what I needed from him, and I hope he knows just how much that meant to me.

After the game, all the families join the team on the field for the last after-game talk by the coaches.

I’m still standing by, just making sure things continue to go smoothly, when I see Heather and David off in the distance. I want so badly to go say hi, but I stay put. Technically, I shouldn’t have a clue who they are, as we haven’t had any parent-teacher conferences yet and I’d have no real reason as to why I would have met them.

Heather turns to say something to another parent she’s standing with, and we lock eyes. Instantly, I feel stupid, standing here and having her catch me staring at her, but I don’t look away. Her lips tilt in a slight smile, letting me know she sees me, too, and then she goes back to her conversation with her group of friends.

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