Page 69 of How We Fooled

“Fine. Nothing special.” I drive by his truck, and our eyes lock for a brief moment, making my insides curl in need.

“Nothing special?” he says breathlessly, showing me he’s just as affected by this moment as I am.

What I would give to jump in his truck so we could run away together right now. I finally get why addicts have such a hard time quitting their addiction. How do you quit something that literally gives you the life you want, the life you need to survive, and it’s staring you directly in the face, but you can’t have it?

Temptation is more than a cruel bitch. It’s a Mount Everest climb while carrying the oxygen, but not being able to breathe it.

“I miss being with you so much,” I say under my breath, not able to hold it back.

He drops his head to his chest, breaking our spell and making me remember that I am driving through a parking lot—our school parking lot.

I shake my head and force myself to change the subject. “Sarah invited me for drinks.”

“That should be fun.” He tries to sound genuine, as we both act like we weren’t just crushed, looking at each other, and push on with our conversation.

“Yeah. I thought so too.”

We talk for a few more minutes about nothing, the pain evident in both of our voices, but we try to work through it together by ignoring it completely. Right now, that’s all we can do.

I park at the address she sent me and sit back in my seat. “They should already be here, so I have to let you go.”

“Okay. I’m glad you’re going to hang out with them. Have fun.”

“Thanks. I will. I’ll text you later.”

“Sounds good. Love you, Liza.”

“I love you too.”

We hang up, and I inhale a deep breath, thinking a drink is exactly what I need right now.

I walk in and see Sarah, Tara, and Janie, the PE teacher, already sitting at a table beside the bar. I’ve never been in here, so I look around at the dark walls lined in wood with dining tables on both sides and a massive bar sitting in the middle of the restaurant.

“There you are!” Sarah says, waving me over.

I force a smile and head their way.

“I’d ask if you got lost, but it’s two blocks away …” Sarah questions why I took so long.

“Sorry, I was talking on the phone.”

I guess I’m not faking it as well as I hoped because Tara is quick to ask, “Everything okay?”

I close my eyes, fighting back the tears.

“Uh-oh. We got boy problems,” Tara says. “Spill it, girl.”

I drop my head back, staring up at the ceiling, hoping gravity makes my tears stay inside. I really need to talk to someone about how hard all of this is. Both my aunt and my mom think I’m not dating Eli anymore, so I can’t mention a word to them. I’m embarrassed to talk to my friends about it back home because then I’d have to admit to them that I’m in love with one of my students.

I literally walk around with a fake happy grin when I’m dying inside.

It’s just getting to be too much. The only thing I know for sure is, I can’t not have Eli in my life. Beyond that, I’m a mess.

Sarah places her hand on mine. “Did you have a guy back home?”

It pops in my head that I can say that, and they would never know the difference …

I nod, looking at all of them. “Yeah. It’s just hard, being here and not being able to be with him.”

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