Page 96 of How We Loved

My stomach drops at his admission. Doesn’t he realize I’m the one who let her get to that point in the first place?

He nods. “Thanks again.” Then, he stands up and heads to join my parents and Maya in the kitchen.

I sit there, lost in my thoughts for the millionth time this week, when Maya comes to join me in the living room.

In the past, she’d curl up right next to me with a blanket, half covering me with it and making me hot while doing so, but not this time. Now, she’s sitting uncomfortably on the end of the couch, farthest away from me, and she’s not even pulling up her feet underneath her.

The sight of her sitting like that bugs me even more, so I grab the blanket from behind me and toss it her way.

“Thanks,” she whispers as she unfolds it and wraps it around her tiny body.

We sit in silence, watching the game until my parents call us in to eat. My mom made my favorite—ribs, mashed potatoes, and corn—so at least I have that to look forward to.

Now that I know both of our parents know what all went down, I feel like there’s this big elephant in the room that no one is talking about. It’s obvious that Maya and I are not the same, yet here we are, all sitting down, acting like none of it happened.

Well, I’m sorry. I can’t.

I pick at my food even though it’s my favorite meal. My appetite is completely gone as I sit here with Maya right next to me while our parents talk about mindless shit.

After dinner, my mom brings in a cake with candles lighting it up like the Fourth of July. I thought she would get the numbered ones with a simple 1 and an 8, but I should have known my mom would go all out with eighteen candles waiting for me to blow them out.

They sing “Happy Birthday” to me. Before I make a wish, my eyes meet with Maya’s, and I stare at her as I blow the candles out in one big breath.

Maya

I’ve always considered this my home, sometimes more than my real home, but today, I’ve felt like a complete stranger. That is, until he blows out his candles. The way he looks at me is different than I’ve ever seen from him before.

It gives me hope.

After we eat the cake, he disappears as I hang out with our parents for a little while longer.

I think he left to go somewhere, but now that I’m walking out the door with my dad, we both notice a flashing light in the barn, likely coming from a television, but no other lights illuminate the area.

I stop, and my dad does too.

“Go talk to him.” Dad nudges me toward the barn. “If you need a ride back home, just give me a call.”

“Thanks, Daddy.” I hug him and feel his love wrapped around me as he kisses the top of my head.

“My baby girl, I’m sorry you’re going through this.”

I exhale, then let go and wave at him as I head to the barn.

It was extremely hard to tell him what had happened, but after Sandy called, I knew I needed to. There was something comforting about letting it off my chest, so I’m glad I did.

I always struggle a little to get the door open, and I’m thankful when I only have to pry it open a few inches so I can slide through, then close it again to keep the cold air out.

I turn toward the couch and see him staring at me.

“Hi,” I whisper shyly.

He closes his eyes, then turns them back to the show he’s watching.

I stand there like an idiot for thirty seconds too long, then turn to leave, knowing he doesn’t want me here anyway.

“Wait,” he says, stopping me in my tracks.

I face him and see he has his head in his hands with his elbows resting on his knees.

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