Page 87 of How We Loved

Guilt washes over me as I kick myself for being so stupid.

When Marcus, Ashley, and Susie show up, I finally get a sense of relief from what felt like a heavy fog of tension in the air.

Ashley and Susie rush up to me, wrapping their arms around me one at a time.

“We’re so glad you’re okay!” Susie says.

“Yeah, that must have been so scary,” Ashley says as she sits down between Ben and me while rubbing my leg in a comforting way.

Ben stands up with a huff and walks to the fridge. That’s when I notice he hasn’t even drunk the water bottle I got for him an hour ago.

I let out a breath while I close my eyes for a brief moment, hoping the girls think I’m doing so for the whole Trevor situation and not for Ben, who is making me crazy today.

“I’m fine. Thank God Ben and the guys came to get me,” I say.

Ben slams the refrigerator door. When I turn around to see what the commotion was, he’s just standing there, staring at the fridge with his fists clenched.

“Yes, thank God they did,” Ashley says as she gets up to sit next to Marcus. “Forget that asshole ever existed.”

“Oh, believe me, he’s already forgotten,” I state, then pause. “I just can’t believe I ignored the signs that were there the whole time.” I bite my bottom lip with a sigh.

That’s all I could think about last night, wondering how I could be so blind.

“It happens to many girls. We can be lovestruck puppies who don’t want to see the signs,” Susie says.

I nod. “Yeah. You’re right. When it was good, it was good. He was fun to be around.”

“Yeah, but then he wasn’t,” Susie states matter-of-factly.

I raise my eyebrows in confirmation. “Understatement of the decade.”

I laugh, trying to ease the mood, and they both laugh with me.

“This isn’t a joke!” Ben yells out.

I don’t know why, but I snap back at him, not able to hold back this feeling that’s been growing inside of me. “I know that. Don’t you think I know that?”

He grunts in frustration as he walks out of the barn completely.

I think about following him, but decide against it. He’s in a mood, and he needs to snap out of it.

Five minutes later, he returns.

“You good now?” I ask, not hiding my disdain.

He rolls his eyes and plops down on the recliner, as far away from me as possible.

We spend the rest of the day just like that—hanging out on opposite sides of the room, watching TV and chillin’ with our friends.

When Natalie gets up to leave, I decide I should, too, and everyone else follows along. Tomorrow is a new day. I’ve had my day of self-pity for what Trevor did to me, but tomorrow, I plan on getting me back, the me that didn’t have a care in the world.

I stand next to Ben’s chair, not saying a word and waiting for him to say goodbye to me.

With a huff, he puts the feet down on the recliner and stands up. When he engulfs me in a hug, every weird emotion I felt from the day washes away. I hold him tight as I lay my head on his chest and close my eyes.

For the first time since last night, I feel whole again—safe.

He’s not just letting me hold him though. He’s also holding me. When he rests his cheek on my head, I feel weight instantly lift off my shoulders. Standing here in his arms, I am light and free and can finally breathe.

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