Page 22 of Unmatched

She hands the phone back to me, and I want to gag. Butt play? I don’t need to ask Caprice what that means, but at the same time, I don’t feel like I really understand it either. My face is on fire as I try to imagine exactly what my husband is suggesting he wants to do—and where he wants to do it. Certainly somewhere he’d never dare try to explore with me.

My stomach turns over. I guess maybe that’s the point.

I do some deep breathing, trying to collect myself enough to continue the conversation. When I’m finally centered, I straighten and poise my thumbs over the screen. I don’t think we’re going to wine and dine at this point. Maybe it’s time to clinch the deal.

LonelyGirl8

Sounds like we could have fun together. Maybe we should meet.

MountainMan3

Maybe . . .

LonelyGirl8

You’re in Denver too, right?

A minute passes, then two. I chew my lip, wondering if I jumped ahead too quickly.

MountainMan3

Listen . . . I think you’re hot. But I’ve never done this before.

I gasp. My hand rises to my throat, my eyes filling with tears. I knew it. I knew he couldn’t have gone through with it! We were each other’s firsts. You can’t just go try out somewhere new when you’ve never left home. Not easily, at least. But I didn’t realize until he said it how much I needed this to be true.

Unless it’s a lie? My stomach sinks all the way back down to my toes. What about this whole situation isn’t wall-to-wall lies? He’s hardly texted me all day, but he’s sitting in our home, flirting with what he thinks is another woman.

“Lydia,” Caprice says, laying a gentle hand on my shoulder. I’d nearly forgotten she was there. “Look, I want to catch him and all, but are you sure this is how you want to do it?”

I close my eyes. She might be right. I’ve already opened the door to a world of hurt. Chances are, if I pursue this, that’s not going to improve. But every time I imagine him touching someone else, I just feel sick. If it’s not me Anton hooks up with, who will it be?

I look at Caprice, nod slowly, and turn back to the screen.

LonelyGirl8

But you want to. That’s why we’re both here.

MountainMan3

I’d just like to get laid.

My eyes sting, thumbs hovering over the screen.

LonelyGirl8

Then let’s make it happen. Where should we go?

There’s a lengthy break in the conversation again. I pace back and forth between the couch and the windows, waiting to see what he says. Caprice goes to her freezer, pulls out a pint of ice cream, and brings back two spoons.

Finally, a message pings.

MountainMan3

Sorry . . . I don’t think I can do this.

My chest lightens. I breathe in for the first time in what feels like an hour. I wait for him to follow up, say something else to clarify, but nothing comes.

“Dickhead,” Caprice mutters over my shoulder.

---