Page 69 of The Devious Husband

We’ve been around either his family or mine a handful of times since, but each time, he conveniently found ways to be on the other side of the room, as far away from me as he could be without drawing suspicion. I’ve learned to fake bright smiles and hide red eyes, and slowly but surely, I’ve gotten used to sleeping alone.

“Let’s go in,” I say, pushing off him, my eyes on my feet as I turn toward Grandma’s front door, only to startle when he grabs my hand and entwines our fingers. I glance at our joined hands, my heart throbbing painfully as he pulls me along.

I smile at my grandmother when we walk in, and she seems relieved to see us together, her gaze moving between us. “Hi Grams!” I murmur, injecting as much excitement into my voice as I can before rushing up to her and enveloping her in a tight hug. I try my best not to notice how thin she is these days, how sickly she looks. I remember when she seemed invincible, an immovable boulder in my life, and I took it for granted. I thought she’d always be there, her arms providing me with shelter during the toughest storms. When did our roles reverse?

“Xavier,” she says, tutting. “I’d begun to worry about you both, you know? Seems like it was for naught, judging by how indecently you behaved with my sweet little girl right in front of my house.”

He chuckles, the sound having become so foreign to me that I can’t help but sneak a look at him as he approaches us. “I do apologize,” he tells Grams, pressing a kiss to her cheek before offering her his arm.

She takes it like she’s used to him offering her assistance, and I watch them together, noting how close they are, how much he seems to care. Xavier helps her onto her chair at the kitchen island, and it pains me to see how easily she tires these days. “I’m glad I wasn’t wrong about you,” she says, cupping his face. Xavier tenses, his eyes widening, and I frown, surprised by his reaction. “When you came to me, all but begging me to let you marry Sierra, I almost said no, since you’d thrown a wrench in my plans. If not for my grandsons telling me they stood by your decision, I wouldn’t have been swayed.”

“What?”

Grandma smiles at me, that same old cunning look in her eyes. It’s faded now, and she looks worn out, but it’s still there. “Will you do something for me, my sweet girl?”

I nod and reach for her hand, well aware she just evaded my question. “Of course.”

“Spend the night here, both of you. I don’t think I have many nights left, Sierra. I’d like to spend one more under the same roof with you both, just to put my own heart at ease. Let me sit with you for a few hours tonight, and let me make you two breakfast tomorrow. I’d like to see with my own two eyes that you’re happy, that you’ll be okay without me.”

“I won’t be,” I tell her, my voice breaking. “You can’t leave me, Grandma. I won’t be okay without you.” Tears fill my eyes, and Xavier pulls me into his arms as I try my best not to cry. I cling to him, and he cups the back of my head, my nose pressed to his neck.

“We’ll spend the night,” he tells grandma, hugging me tightly. “But only if you promise not to say things like that. You’re breaking my heart, Grams.”

“Fine,” she says, and I pull away from Xavier a little, acutely aware she’s watching us. He must be too, because he cups my face, his gaze roaming over me like he’s really seeing me, for the first time in months. I look into his eyes as he leans in and presses a soft kiss to my forehead, and it takes all my strength not to burst into tears all over again.

Sixty

Xavier

Sierra is quiet as she kisses her grandmother goodnight, and we both watch as one of her live-in nurses gently escorts her to bed. “Thank you for tonight,” Sierra says, turning toward me when her grandmother’s bedroom door falls closed. “I really appreciate it.”

She sounds so polite, so distant. It’s more than I deserve, and I know it. “Like I said, it was no inconvenience at all.” If anything, it was as close to perfect as it gets these days, because our attempts to put up an act also allowed me to quieten my recurring invasive thoughts.

Sierra nods and gestures toward the staircase, and I follow her silently, my heart constricting painfully. She looks tired, and I wish I could pull her back into my arms the way I did before we walked into the house. Having her lay her head on my chest like that rebuilt hopes that had slowly crumbled with each nightmare, each attempt to look at her and see our current reality, and not the potential futures my mind keeps pushing on me.

The edges of my lips tug up when we walk into what can only be described as a princess’s room, and she seems bashful as she looks around, seemingly seeing it through fresh eyes. “It’s not really what you’re used to, I’m sure, but it’s only for a night.”

I look around, taking in the plush carpets, the shades of lilac and pink, and the white four-poster that’s far smaller than I’m used to. “It’s cute,” I tell her, pulling my tie loose.

“I’ll grab you some of my brothers’ clothes. I think you’re probably most similar to Ares in size, right? Raven likes being prepared for any scenario, so she keeps enough clothes here for us all, most of it brand new. I should be able to find you something.”

I nod and throw her a grateful smile that she doesn’t return, and I watch her walk away, my heart in tatters. It’s fucking killing me to stand here, knowing I lost the best thing that ever happened to me. She has no idea how badly I want to see her smile, how much I miss the smell of her hair. Every time I try to tell her how I feel, I’m overcome with visions of her bound to that chair, bleeding, dying, and the words just fade away.

I run a hand through my hair and turn to take a look at her bedroom, only to pause by her dresser. My heart twists painfully when I find photos of her with Graham scattered all over it. In some of them, they’re kids, and in others, they look like teenagers that were dating. I bite down on my lip harshly as I pick up one that looks to be a prom photo, the two of them dressed up in matching outfits. I tried not to pay attention to them getting closer again during meetings, and I tried not to notice when he made her laugh, telling myself I was overthinking it, but maybe I wasn’t. Maybe she got tired of waiting for someone who never deserved her in the first place.

“Here you go,” Sierra says, and I turn around, the photo slipping out of my hand. She glances at it, her expression unreadable as she hands me a towel and a change of clothes, all of it still in its plastic wrapping. I’m not sure what I expected, but I didn’t think she’d pick the picture up, only to stare at it with a nostalgic smile before hiding her photos away in a drawer with a sigh. She makes no excuses, gives me no explanations, and it fucking hurts to know I’m not entitled to them anymore.

I knew she’d fall out of love with me if I couldn’t give her what she needs, and I thought I’d braced myself for it, made peace with it, so why does it hurt so fucking much? I draw a shaky breath and walk toward her bathroom, my thoughts a mess.

Sierra’s bedroom is empty when I walk out wearing a pair of brand new RWC boxers that are far too tight for me, and I sigh as I pull on the waistband before getting into her bed. She looks surprised when she walks in wearing a large black t-shirt that isn’t mine, clearly having used a different bathroom. Her eyes roam over my chest and abs, and I’m reminded of the countless times I’ve waited for her in bed like this in an attempt to seduce her.

“I guess the pajamas didn’t fit,” she says, looking away. There was a time when her eyes would linger without her even realizing, and her cheeks would flush so fucking beautifully, her reluctant desire written all over her face. To be wanted by her was one of the highlights of my life, and I wish I’d savored the experience more.

Sierra gets into bed with me, her body tensing when her arm brushes against mine. “I’m sorry,” she says, trying to create a bit of space between us and failing, when I wish she’d just roll over and lay her head on my chest, like she always used to. “I always thought this was such a huge bed, but you—” She snaps her lips shut and sighs. “I’ll try to stay on my own side of the bed, but just wake me up if I do anything in my sleep that makes you uncomfortable.”

“Like what?” I ask, turning onto my side to face her.

Her eyes roams over my face, lingering on my mouth, before they travel down. “Like if I accidentally hug you in my sleep, or if I touch you anywhere that—” She clears her throat, her expression pained. “I just don’t want you to think that I’m taking advantage of this situation. I know you don’t want to be here.”

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