Page 255 of By His Rule

Reaching for my cell, I wake it up to find nothing.

Even Matt is avoiding me now.

Ryder has gone, probably found a girl who was actually willing to meet and give him some action that wasn’t through a screen.

And Tate...she’s just busy moving on with her life. She’s married with a baby on the way. I’m no longer the most important person in her life. I get it. I really fucking do, and I’m ecstatic for her. But it still hurts.

In a moment of weakness, I open my messaging app and find my conversation with Kian.

The “message has been deleted” comment from where I removed the picture of my tits taunts me, reminding me that all of this is my fault.

If I never sent him that message, then maybe we wouldn’t have ended up here. Did I lead him on with that photo? Did I let him believe I was just like all the other women around him?

No.

I refuse to believe that.

I’m not them. I don’t want to walk around with my arm threaded through his in the hope of the photo of us together ending up on social media.

I’d rather remain hidden. It’s why his suggestion of us fake dating was so ridiculous. I understood the concept, but I’m not the woman for that. And not only because I think it would be entirely too easy to begin to fall for him.

I’ve always fallen easily. That’s no secret to me. It’s why I always end up hurt so badly. I have this uncanny ability to ignore all those wild red flags and I fall head over heels. Swept away by a guy’s charm, lies, and wicked touch.

Just look at Matt. He was one giant walking red flag, and yet I fell hard and fast. Almost as if I hadn’t been hurt before.

I always end up with a broken heart. It’s something I can guarantee from the get-go.

Closing my messaging app, I lower my cell to the couch and let out a pained sigh.

Nothing good can come of sending him anything. He’s made it very clear today that he doesn’t need or want to talk to me. I’m not going to be that woman who’s scratching around trying to get any crumbs of attention he’s willing to offer. I have more self-respect than that.

Focusing back on work, I do my best to force thoughts of him aside.

It’s easier said than done.

And as the next few days pass, and his lack of presence in my life only gets more oppressive, it becomes harder and harder to forget everything he brought to my life in those few days we had together.

60

KIAN

Islouch back on the couch, my eyes focused on the London skyline on the other side of the windows. But I don’t see it like I should. I certainly don’t appreciate it.

All I can think about is what—whom—I left behind in Chicago.

I knew I couldn’t stay the second I walked back into my apartment without her on Sunday night. Her scent still lingered in my home, and everywhere I looked, she was all I could see.

I wanted to say that inviting her into my life, into my home was a mistake. But it wasn’t, and it isn’t anything I’ll ever be able to regret.

She opened my eyes to something new. A life I could have. The kind of life I’m watching my big brother build with Tate.

Maybe. Just maybe it could be out there for me as well.

Lorelei too.

A pained sigh passes my lips as I let my head fall back against the cushion and close my eyes.

I wasn’t meant to be here. The meeting I had set up with the financial team of the hotel chain King wants to buy, was virtual. But no sooner had I returned home on Sunday night than the idea popped into my head.

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