Page 274 of By His Vow

You’re going to have to tell your unborn child that you did your test in a public bathroom….

Those thoughts do not help my performance anxiety in any way as I sit there trying to do my thing.

It takes longer than it should but eventually, I pee, all the while praying that at least some of it has hit the stick as it should.

Once I’m done, I pull it free, place the cap on it and lay the test on top of the toilet roll dispenser as I clean up. Then I lower the toilet seat and just wait.

I stare down at my watch, refusing to look away from it until the two minutes are up. I don’t want any confusion or any false hope if I look too soon and the true answer hasn’t developed. I did that with a Covid test before and the disappointment was real. I do not need my emotions put through any more right now.

But as I sit there, all I can see is one answer. And it’s not the easy one where I stare at a single line, throw the test in the bin and continue on with my life, having learned a very important lesson—always use condoms. But the one where I do have another life growing inside me.

Kingston is going to be furious.

But that’s only the beginning of my spiraling fears.

What if he thinks I did this on purpose?

There is no reason why he would. It’s not like I’m trying to steal his money, or his power, or even him as a person. I have everything I could need already, or at least I will after our year of marriage.

But knowing all that doesn’t stop the irrational thoughts from coming.

What if he divorces me? Then what?

I’ll be left with nothing.

We’ll be left with nothing.

No money, no job, no cottage.

No. Miles wouldn’t let that happen.

Lori wouldn’t let that happen.

But…

The time changes and my heart seizes.

It’s time.

“Fuck,” I breathe, shaking out my hands and then tucking my hair behind my ears nervously.

I reach out, plucking the upside-down test from the dispenser, and close my eyes.

Just look, Tatum. Discover your fate.

Everything else will fall into place.

Trust the process.

Trust the process…

Spinning the test around, I force my eyes open and stare down at my answer.

My stomach rolls instantly, and before any thoughts hit me, my knees collide with the dirty tile floor and I heave into the toilet.

69

KINGSTON

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