Page 9 of Tempest

“A couple of months. For the summer before we moved to Boston.”

“Why weren’t you together then? I thought you’d been together since you were fifteen or something.”

“Your mother and I,” I start, then think better of what I was about to say. “We were young, Tori. We had plans for colleges in different states. Maybe she never told you, but she had a scholarship to Michigan State. Our plan wasn’t for her to follow me around the country watching me play. We made the decision for a clean break at the beginning of the summer.”

“And that’s when you began to care about Odette?”

Began? No, that’s not so accurate. She’d always been there, somewhere in the periphery. Always noticeable and unforgettable. I was damn near obsessed with her, but I kept that to myself.

“We spent a lot of time together those months,” I say. “She was different than anyone and everyone in our town. Confident, but awkward. Beautiful, but strange. Smart, but quiet about it. And so fucking ambitious it rivaled my own dreams of the future.”

Every spare moment I had that summer, I wanted to spend it with her. Watching her sew or draw, listening to her ideas and plans. She was the first real feminist I ever met and made it clear she didn’t need a man in her life, though she’d smile playfully at me as she said such things. It was like a form of foreplay for her. A cat and mouse game where I was the mouse. Fuck, I loved that; knowing that she could just as easily spend her time alone but instead chose to spend it with me.

She taught me to be more grounded, less excessive and showy. Odette appreciated quality over quantity, a novel concept to a spoiled teen like me. She labored over every purchase, even the small ones, like what to have for lunch. Taking anything for granted was beyond her.

“I learned a lot from her. About myself, people, and life in general. I’m sure she’ll teach you even more.”

“You loved her,” Tori says in a quiet gasp, her eyes shiny with tiny pools of sympathy.

“There wasn’t enough time for all that,” I dismiss, but it tastes sour on my tongue. I didn’t know what love was then, I guess I still don’t understand that kind of love. It’s not what Caroline and I had throughout our marriage. I love my ex-wife; I have since we were very young. But it lacked the passion and yearning I imagine a marriage is supposed to have.

I know fatherly love, which mostly consists of stress and the thought that I’d put myself in front of Victoria to protect her from absolutely anything. Being a parent changes you, or it should. If it doesn’t, you either started out a fucking saint or a complete piece of shit.

Brotherly love, I know well, too. I feel it for my teammates. As one of the older players, many of them have become like younger siblings to me. Being an only child myself, it’s been great to have a sort of family with me no matter where we are.

But romantic love? That’s something I only came close to once.

“Did Mom know about her?”

“Your mother and I have never had secrets, kiddo.”

“Then why did you get back,” she starts to ask the question. “Oh.”

“Kiddo,” I hedge, watching her face fall.

“Mom was pregnant.” Tori’s hand starts to rub at her chest. “You guys got married because she was pregnant with me.”

“Hey,” I say, pulling her to the couch and wrapping my arm around her. “It’s not a decision either of us regret. We’d make the same one a hundred times over.”

“But you weren’t in love. It all makes so much more sense now.”

“In love? No, maybe not that. But we did love each other. We still do. She’s been my best friend for most of my life. We’ve had a great life, Tori. Haven’t we?”

She pulls her knees up to her chest, hugging them to herself as she snuggles further into my arm.

“We have. You guys are the best,” she says. “Is that why she wanted the divorce? Was that always the plan? To split when I grew up.”

Possibly that’s what we both thought when we went into it, but it wasn’t something we discussed.

“The only plan we had was to raise you the best we could. We’d been broken up for weeks when your mom realized she was pregnant. She immediately knew she wanted you and that college wasn’t as important to her. I thought the best way to take care of you both was to get married right away. It gave us some special privileges on campus in Boston and later with the NHL. We didn’t consider anything past that. Past you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this when she filed for divorce? I was so mad at you.”

She was, and that was pure hell for me. The divorce wasn’t either of our faults, it was the natural progression of things, really. Tori couldn’t understand without us telling her the rest. But then we risked her being mad at Caroline, and placing blame on herself, too. I preferred to take the brunt of it, knowing it would pass eventually.

“It was a big change for all of us, you, especially. We didn’t want to add to it with our messy past.”

“But I’m part of that messy past.”

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