“How are you feeling?” I ask, nudging my nose under his chin to wake him up.
“Normal,” he says, looking up at me. “I don’t think I’m concussed.”
“Thank fuck,” I say, relieved to hear it. “I need to shower.”
Snaking out from under his arm, I head straight to the bathroom. I’ve got three hours until my flight and I still don’t know what I’m going to do with Josephine. But I’ve only got today to deal with it, I won’t miss more work than I must. Which means, I’ll probably have to fire her, because I can’t trust that she won’t pull shit like this again.
By the time I’ve rinsed the conditioner out of my hair and am stepping out of the shower, I’ve convinced myself it’s the best option.
Gavin sits on the edge of the bed when I walk back into the room.
“You’re sure you’re okay?” I ask again, pulling my carry-on suitcase out of the closet.
“Yeah,” he says. “What are you doing?”
“Fallon has an emergency. I need to go to L.A. for the night.” I step back into the closet to get dressed. Gavin comes to stand in the doorway, watching me warily.
“Just one night?”
“Yes. I need to fire a client and I’d rather do that in person.”
“Odette,” he says, staying my hand after I fasten my bra on. “Are you running?”
“I’m running late, if that’s what you mean.” I pull a dress off a hanger and pull it over my head.
“That’s not what I’m fucking asking.”
“Then what are you fucking asking, Gavin?”
“Is this impromptu trip because of Caroline?”
“Not everything in my life is about you and your ex-wife,” I say, my back turned to him so he can’t see how affected I am. “I have a career. A life of my own.”
“I didn’t ask her to be there, Ode. I didn’t even know she was at the game.”
“Why was she with you?” I collect the few items I’ll need for an overnight and brush past him to place them in my suitcase.
“She was worried.”
“So was I. So was your daughter.”
“Can you stop for half a minute and look at me please,” he pleads, not continuing until I look at him. “I did not ask her to be there. She just showed up. I told her to leave, to go find Tori. Thank you, by the way, for taking care of her. I’m sure she was terrified.”
“She was,” I say, trying to find a lie on his face, but I don’t.
“I’m glad you were there for her.”
“She loves you,” I say. “Caroline. She said she loves you.”
“We’ve had love for each other since we were kids,” he says after a sigh. Maybe he’d hoped I hadn’t heard what she said. “It’s not like how I love you.”
My heart sinks and soars, not knowing which of his words it should cling to. This isn’t how I want him to tell me he loves me. On the back of professing love for another woman, in the middle of an argument, as a balm for my pain.
None of this is right.
“I don’t know where I fit, Gavin. Last night, I felt like a placeholder, only there until she arrives. I’m either in the starring role, or I’m nothing at all,” I say.
“You are that, Odette. I don’t know what to do to make you see that. I want you to think about whether I’ve done anything to show you differently. Have my actions since trying to win you back given you any reason to believe that I’m not absolutely, irrevocably committed to just you?”