Page 24 of Winterfall Destiny

I can't die at my mother's hands.

I'm me, but I'm not.

How did I survive?

Because as the First's blood took hold of me, the painful death at Dorian's hands felt like falling into a gentle sleep in comparison. The only positive is the almost-death seized me into the darkness within seconds. As I swallowed the blood, acid poured into my veins, shooting through and gripping my whole body in agony until I could barely get the last drop past my lips.

The time Gabriella gave me her blood mixed with the First's seemed like mild heartburn in comparison to the crushing pain in my chest.

Heartburn. I shake my head at the bizarre thought. But I'm worried. I should be starved after a week in that state, but I'm not hungry for blood or for food.

What am I?

Tobias and Jamie couldn't hide their hesitation to speak to me when I walked downstairs, confused. The pair prepared to run—to Maeve no doubt—until I asked for help rather than attacking them.

Everything that grew louder and brighter after the blood Gabriella gave me sharpened further. The detail in objects around, the small sounds that few would hear unless sitting in a silent room, and every heartbeat—greater. Especially Maeve’s.

Maeve.

Escaping Tobias to find her straightaway could've ended badly, but the need gripped and dragged me from the house. I've heard every word she's said to me, stuck in my dark place, a void of nothing but frustration and sometimes anger holding me there. Maeve's sorrow tore at my soul as she grieved for me, and I wanted to shout out to her that I'm still here but don't know how to get back.

I couldn't move. Couldn't see. Laying day after day waiting for sensation to return—starting with one finger, a toe, an agonisingly slow spread as if Lix had numbed every cell and wore off at an agonising pace. Not painfully, just too fucking slowly. Only once every part of me filled with life again, could I come back to the world.

And when I did, I heard Maeve's heart even inside the house, and when I sensed her blood on the breeze before I'd taken two steps outside, I hesitated. The sun kissed my skin instead of biting into it, and I breathed a fresher air than the night time. The flowers that Maeve places in vases filled the surroundings, their scent once muted by the world of the night when I would walk here in the evening.

But above everything, Maeve's scent.

I would've paused before approaching her, but she sensed me.

And Maeve didn't run. Her fear radiated at first, but that indescribable tie to each other bypasses everything. Did the piece of me Maeve holds inside recognise that she's with the same Andrei?

I could've stayed with Maeve all day, inside my new world, but even though I don't like to admit to or agree, I shouldn't be alone yet. The others insist, but I'm not dumb. This isn't 'just in case' I relapse and land on the ground choking up blood, but 'just in case' I turn into a murderous creature.

One thing's sure, I'm not going back inside the house today. A few minutes of sun can't replace twenty years in the dark.

Once we return from the woods, I sit on the metal chair by the glass-topped outdoor dining table. Maeve's hand remains firmly in mine, and when Ash and Jamie join us I’m perfectly aware how on edge the others still are.

"Oh look, the daytime meetings I always missed," I say.

Jamie's strained face holds more wariness than Ash. The guy stared at me like I'm an apparition since I first walked downstairs. He sits on a chair, and Ash stands close, arms tightly crossed as he looks down at me, face now filled with warning. I sigh. Once over, the guys never let me into their circle because they didn't trust me. I guess I'm back there again.

"How are you feeling?" asks Jamie, darting a look between me and Maeve.

I stretch my legs forward and tap the toes of my sneakers together. "I'm not planning to attack anybody," I say pointedly. "For blood or for fun."

"Then how do you feel?" asks Tobias. "You left the house before explaining properly."

"The same, but different." Tobias sighs at my words. "I'm mentally myself, Tobias. I don't feel any influence on my thoughts."

"Yet," mumbles Jamie.

I suck on my teeth; if I protest that might add suspicion. "The changes are physical."

"We can see some of those," says Ash. "You kind of glow."

"Have I not always had a glowing personality?" I ask with a smirk and stare at the back of my hands. "I'd say more of a shine than a glow."

"That'll fade," says Maeve. "The thing's skin isn't like yours."

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