Page 136 of Winterfall Destiny

“The same? You mean the Tobias I fooled myself is now honest with me? Is that even possible for you?”

“There’s nothing else to know about me,” he says flatly.

“Yet it took a stranger to reveal your past rather than telling the truth from your own mouth?”

Tobias remains at a wary distance, away from the dim light inside the conservatory, face half-visible. “I apologise.”

“Right. For what?”

“Everything I’ve done that can’t be undone.” Neither of us move any closer. “And I understand your anger, Maeve. By keeping my distance, I lessen the chance the situation between us can affect what needs to be done now. But I stayed, as promised.”

My mind seizes at his words and attitude, and I move forward catching Tobias off guard as I shove him in the chest. “Stop being such a martyr!”

He barely moves, eyes wide. “Martyr? Are you serious?”

The mingled frustration and anger trembles through my limbs. “Since the moment you told me you regularly screwed Anastasia, on the same night I saw someone’s memories of your immoral, disgusting past, you’ve hardly spoken to me and not once looked me in the eye for more than a glance.”

He flinches. “You deserve better.”

“Omigod!” I smack another hand into his chest. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself.”

“What?” he chokes out.

I tap the side of my head. “This self-absorbed bullshit interferes with what’s necessary for us right now—focusing on unity and destroying those who want to destroy us.”

“I do not feel sorry for myself! I own what I did back then.”

“Yet here’s your usual Tobias trick—slam a barrier between yourself and everybody else.” I clench my teeth. “You killed my family, Tobias, and I dealt with that headfuck. Anastasia? Also, a headfuck, but she isn’t alive, and that guilty secret only affects you, nobody else. The witches you… those things I saw? If I have to accept you, I accept that. You need to accept the past too. Honestly, I’m sick of going around in circles, Tobias.”

“Maeve…” He falters.

“You avoided me because you expected I’d react like weak Maeve pulled down by her emotions?”

“No, but what you saw…” His throat bobs, and he drags a hand through his hair.

What I saw. Ash’s words. I falter. “Did you sexually assault any of the witches?”

He doesn’t skip a beat. “No, Maeve.”

“How can you be sure? With your skills that helped you and your sick friends?” I fully expected Tobias to look away, but his unwavering gaze remains on mine. “I can’t imagine consent matters to a man who kills.”

“The two crimes are not necessarily linked,” he says stiffly, and I hold back a disgusted response. “Why the hell do you want to talk about this if you want to forget the past?”

“Because I need to know,” I say, voice like winter and I swallow down the sickness surging inside.

“You don’t understand that lifestyle. The people. Yes, I did things. Abhorrent things, but not that.”

How much does Tobias sound like the man who once talked down to me for my prejudice against the supernatural world in the early days? But he isn’t. None of this is the same. I can choose to accept he’s truthful—or close him out.

“Do you believe me?” I can’t reply. “Maeve, I’ve never, ever assaulted a woman in that way. I’ve told you this before and that wasn’t a lie.” I tense as he grips my arm, and I turn my head to meet his glittering eyes. “Hate me for lying about Anastasia. For lying again. But that is the truth.”

Tobias held back part of who he is over and over. I’ve learned the man does this through guilt and self-denial, but why so many times? “Tobias, I don’t hate you but every time I’m hit with another of your secrets, I worry. I’m scared that you hide things because you want that life again.”

“What?” His voice drops almost to a whisper. “No. And even if that were true, I have a block in my mind.”

The block. The curse. All the times that Tobias helped. Saved my life—the others’ lives. Once over, I swore Tobias thinks everything good he does atones for the past. But despite the Confederacy’s block, Adeline’s curse, and everything from his history, the man naturally steps up when needed.

Yet he always drags himself backwards again.

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