Page 9 of Winterfall Destiny

Tobias touches my cheek lightly. "He's alive. The First said he might survive and?—"

Covering my face with my hands, I choke on a sob. "I can't go out there. This isn't real."

Tobias gently peels my fingers away and kisses them. "Stay here until you're strong enough to walk out. Nobody will judge you."

"But I should be with him." I'm pulled in two directions, clambering from the bed. "Andrei can't be alone. He needs me."

"Maeve." Tobias's warm hand circles my wrist, stopping me. "Nobody knows how much Andrei's aware of his surroundings. What if he can see and hear? You don't want Andrei to see you breakdown." I bite down hard on my lip, and he cautiously adds, "Or do you?"

"To punish him?" I choke out in disbelief. "Nothing matters now but bringing Andrei back to us. How do we do that, Tobias?"

His grip loosens and he shakes his head. Tobias always has answers. He always knows what to do. How to help. Why doesn't he?

"I don't know," he whispers, the weight of defeat sinking onto him. "I'm sorry, Maeve."

This is a reality I don't want to belong to.

"Take this away from me, Tobias. You helped last night. Do more." I grab his face and crash my mouth on his. Tobias responds with surprise, fingers threading into the back of my hair as I push my tongue into his mouth, desperate for every part of him to take me away from the nightmare.

As he pulls back, there's a soft sadness in his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" I murmur, lips touching the edge of his.

"Sorry that I couldn't take away the pain you've woken with."

"Try again," I urge. "Wipe my mind. Please."

"I'll do anything for you, Maeve, but nothing I do will change what's happened."

"If you alter my mind, you will help me." I sneak a hand beneath his shirt and run my nails along the solid muscle beneath. "I can't face what's outside that door. Please." He lifts a hand to run fingers through his hair, eyes wary. "Tobias. I need you."

As my breath hitches, his mouth closes over mine, this time with a harsher kiss. I settle my body against his, pushing myself harder against his warm chest as I slide my lips across his stubbled cheek. As the raw energy flowing inside rises further to the surface, he pauses, taking deeper breaths.

I tug on his bottom lip insistently, then tease him into returning my kiss, feeling his jawline beneath my fingers. Tobias slides his hands along my back and kisses me tenderly again.

Happiness hummed through my world the last time I kissed Tobias; this time the world outside this room fills with a horror I’m unprepared for.

Tobias holds my face away from him, and I meet his eyes as my hair falls across his face. Both thumbs rub at my cheeks as tears I hadn't noticed spill dampening his skin. "I will stay with you as long as you want, and give whatever help you need, but I won't do either of what you're asking me now." I swallow and he takes a shuddery breath. "You're vulnerable and the emotions circling you hold us both. I don't have the capacity to take on your pain now, and I can't give you what you want by sex, either."

"Not even to help me forget?" I whisper.

His dull eyes remain on mine. "I need to hold on to myself, Maeve. If I fall into us, I might never find my way out again."

Tobias's distance and lack of emotion lead to mistrust in the past because the others believe this drives him. I've come to understand the real reason. Of everything that scares Tobias, losing himself when he thinks we need his carefully constructed calm worries him the most.

5

MAEVE

I’ve never seen Andrei in the daytime, although I'd sometimes spend time with him in his dark world, so this morning I imagine he's in his room, sleeping.

This morning, once I'd composed myself enough to face the scene in Andrei's bedroom, Tobias left me to sit with Andrei for a while. Tobias returned an hour later and suggested I leave him alone until later. He'd picked up my emotions heading downwards again, and reminded me that Andrei could be aware, which may not help.

I insist Andrei can't be left alone, and the others agree that somebody needs to be with Andrei when he comes back to us. Nobody speaks the other reason—stay with Andrei in case he deteriorates. Tobias won't speak to me about what happened last night, only that he found Andrei 'in a bad way' and did what he could.

The visit to Lex's sits distantly in my mind but Tobias wants to know what happened, partly in an attempt to switch our focus in a positive direction. Jamie holds the paper containing the runes I drew, and we sit at the table with Tobias, Ash watching Andrei not minding if we fill him in later. I suggested we held the meeting in Andrei's room, but Jamie turned pale and asked if we could choose the kitchen.

Jamie saw Andrei once since he collapsed, and he's struggling. He whispered to me that he's angry with Andrei, which affects how he's responding so he should stay away. I understand, but anger won't solve the situation. Tobias suggested Jamie's response is a stage of grief, which did not go down well with me. Andrei is not dead.