Page 92 of Winterfall Destiny

"A long time." Her glare intensifies. "From sixteen."

"So, plenty of practice before you worked for the Dominion and the Blackwoods?" she half-spits, her mask slipping. "Did you meet the Blackwoods at the club? I can't see any of them letting a vamp near their blood."

I hold a fist against my mouth. Not at that club. More memories break through the haze. Suppressed ones I told myself weren't relevant anymore. Fuck. If I don't tell Maeve now, I'll lose her. But if I do, will that happen anyway?

"I made a mistake one night and seduced a Blackwood," I say stiffly. "Or that's what I thought I'd done. The Blackwood seduced me."

"Who?" I hold her look, not wanting to say the name. Maeve's mouth parts. "Don't say Anastasia."

The world stills, my heart thumping in my ears as silence hits us. Is this another moment everything changes?

"Fuck!" I turn away and count my heartbeats as the memories keep rolling. Taking a long breath, I look back to Maeve. "Yes."

She continues to stare, open-mouthed. "What the fuck, Tobias?" she rasps out.

"I had a reputation. She targeted me, and I was too fucking stupid to realise until it was too late. Anastasia almost killed me the night I..." I shake my head. "I'm powerful, but you've seen Anastasia's magic weaken me the night she took us to her house. I'm no match for a Winterfall or Blackwood, as you keep telling me."

Maeve's hand flies to her mouth and her eyes go wide. "Why didn't she kill you?"

"Because the Dominion was looking for someone like me! What do you want me to share with you? That Blackwood blood is as addictive as Winterfall? That I spent months with Anastasia until she'd prepared me enough, then starved me of what I'd become addicted to so that I'd do what they fucking asked?"

Maeve's hand remains over her mouth, mind sealed tightly against me.

My fists ball, nails digging into my palms, grounding me in a moment that should never have happened. "It's also easy to manipulate someone who's lost, Maeve. I've never understood why I'm like this... the hybrid. I'm not something created like Dorian, but my family died when I was eight, and now I swear the fucking Confederacy were involved in killing them. After that, I was passed between families, never knowing where I belonged." I laugh at myself. "I'm not making excuses about 'poor Tobias and his messed-up childhood' because that's not what created the killer. But those years as a lost and confused kid contributed."

"Anastasia. I don't know what to think." Maeve's voice grows distant, lost, not listening to me.

"Nothing's worse than what I did to the Winterfalls, right?" I ask, echoing her earlier words.

Maeve says nothing, but her silence screamsthis is.Somehow, Anastasia overrides everything and creates a man more unforgivable than the one who enjoyed a life of uncontrolled violence and deaths.

Why the fuck did I tell Maeve everything when I didn't need to? I'm the only one remaining who knows because the secret went to the grave.

I should've left it there.

"And when we were held at the Blackwood House," she continues hoarsely. "When I saw you with Anastasia at breakfast and she acted like you'd come back to her... You had." Maeve backs up. "That's why Anastasia believed you when you 'pretended' to join her against me." Maeve's almost inaudible. "Did you rekindle your relationship?"

"No, Maeve! No." I attempt to take her hands. "I promise, I never went that far to keep the pretence while the Blackwoods held us."

"I feel sick." Maeve swallows hard. "You never told me, Tobias. So many times, you could've told me this and held back."

"Because Anastasia died and couldn't influence anything in our lives again. Anastasia wasn't relevant once the curse lifted and we became closer. She'd gone."

Maeve's derisive laugh hits at my pathetic excuses.

"I'd broken you once when you discovered the truth about the Winterfalls, and I was too big a fucking coward to hurt you again. I thought this part of my past would destroy us, Maeve." Her eyes well. "And I'm right, aren't I?"

"Who else knows?" she whispers, swiping at her eyes, and my stomach bottoms out when she doesn't answer my question. "Gabriella?"

"No. Only Nikolai. This secret went to the grave with the Blackwoods. I could've chosen to never tell you."

She scoffs quietly. "I guess not. Because Professor Whitlock always liked his secrets."

"Don't call me that."

"But you're a chameleon, Tobias. You said yourself, you don't know what or who you are. I don't—how could I if you've no idea yourself?"

Maeve's words hit deep, the girl who knows me more than anybody before, sometimes more than I understand myself. Yet still I held back because I'm scared she'll reject the man she saw in Silas's mind tonight.

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