Page 95 of All Roads Lead to You

Chapter 29

Nick

I told Logan we were going to stay in the motel room all day and that I wouldn’t let him go, not only to take care of him, but also in case Hunter called. The only time I parted with him was to go to the deli down the street and grab us some food, but Logan only picked at his meatball sub while I managed to eat some of my tuna on rye.

We sat in the tub together, filled with soothing, steaming water, facing each other, but his head rested forward on my shoulder as I washed his back with soap and a washcloth.

“I think if I came out to any adult, it would’ve been Mrs. McKnight. Now it’s too late.”

“Shhh, it’s okay. You loved her, and she loved you. That’s what matters most.”

Logan’s hand slipped to my chest and rested his palm on my heart. “After Mom was killed, Dad had to identify her. Can you imagine? I never got to see her again except for that morning before school. I remember that day so clearly.”

I said nothing, letting him tell his story.

“She made me a bowl of Froot Loops and some buttered toast and poured me a glass of orange juice in my favorite jelly glass with Bugs Bunny on it. During lunch that day, I punched Johnny Christian in the nose because he was being his bully self, and I was sick of it, which landed me in detention. I waited for Mom for so long, and before I could call my dad, Mrs. McKnight, who was pregnant with Hunter’s sister, picked me up. I knew right then something was wrong.”

I pressed a kiss to his head and continued to pour warm water over him with the washrag. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

“Sometimes, I wish I could've seen her, but other times, I’m grateful I get to remember what she looked like before. That I didn’t have to see her after the accident.”

I wish I could do more for him other than wash him soothingly.

“I stayed with Hunter overnight, but I fucking needed Dad, my only parent, but I also understood he needed time to grieve, too. Still, I was only twelve, and I needed him. I was so confused and full of guilt. Mrs. McKnight held me as I cried for my mom for so long. Some people offer you their condolences and move on, not knowing what else to say, but Hunter’s mom never shied away. It mattered.”

He raised his hand and ran a finger along my nose, across my cheek, and down to my lips. “If she’d lived, I would’ve told her about you and how much I love you. Her death and Mom’s death just show how precarious and precious life is. It could be snuffed out without a moment’s notice, or it can linger, leaving suffering behind.”

Even my eyes watered, and I barely knew Hunter’s mom.

“Sometimes it makes me afraid of death. At the same time, I want to live life to its fullest while I still can. To not be so afraid, like coming out to our parents.”

“I’ll agree with whatever direction you want to go in, Logan. If you’re ready to tell our parents, then let’s tell them. If you want to continue to live in secret and not risk losing them, we can do that, too. I’m with you… here and now.”

“We’ll talk more when we come to that road.”

I ran my hand through his damp hair, then wiped away a few stray tears.

The phone sounded like a shrill in the silence of the bathroom. My heart thundered in my chest as Logan scrambled out of the bath and grabbed a towel, but he didn’t bother drying off as he rushed out.

“Hello?” he said.

I quickly dried off and walked into the room.

Logan sat on the edge of the bed as he listened to the other end. I sat next to him, wrapped his towel around his wet shoulders, and pulled him close to me so I could hear on the other end and be there for him. Logan leaned in closer to me to help.

“I can’t believe she’s gone,” Hunter said on the other line, his voice cracking and so full of hurt.

“Fuck, Hunt… I’m so sorry.” Logan’s voice was hoarse and raw, reining in his emotions.

“We all thought she was getting better. I mean, she was less sick and getting stronger each day.”

“What happened? I don’t understand.”

“I don’t know, man. Dad walked into her room in the morning and cried out. She was barely hanging on and she died on the way to the hospital. They tried to keep her alive, but she didn’t get treatment soon enough. She laid there in bed for hours… all night.”

A sob escaped Hunter, and tears spilled down Logan’s face.

“The doctors said she had a stroke, a pretty bad one, while she was sleeping, and that it can be caused by chemo sometimes.”

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