Page 52 of All Roads Lead to You

His hands ran down his face, and he left them there for a moment before grabbing his smokes and lighting up. He took a drag and exhaled the smoke. “I… don’t hate you. I hated the idea of… fuck… of wanting you. I used this anger that I initially had with you to keep… ugh…”

What?

Logan abruptly stood and walked toward the edge of the lake, bent down to grab something before tossing it in the water. There was a loud ‘plunk’ in the water a second later.

Did he mean he had a crush on me this whole time?

My stomach dropped like it had on that roller coaster the other day, and I found it hard to breathe.

He wanted me?

I couldn’t begin to explain the amount of relief and fear that went through me. The emotions swirled around like a tornado in my mind, and I didn’t know where they’d land.

Why was I afraid? Was it a weird attraction toward Logan or something else?

I sat frozen in my chair, my beer untouched, unsure of what to do or say. Logan had told me two huge confessions in a few short days. That had to be terrifying for him, but I didn’t know how to handle it, either. Him admitting he was gay was one thing. His hating me because he liked me was a bit weird, yet it also made perfect sense for someone who constantly battled his very being.

Shit, what do I do? What do I say?

Chapter 16

Logan

I swear to fucking god... I had no idea how Nick did that. He would just ask a question, and I was like, sure, let me answer that for you with the fullest honesty possible.

Fuck me.

I’d managed to keep my sexuality and my crush on Nick a secret for years, and in a matter of days, Nick knew the full extent of my obsession and insanity. And loving your stepbrother was beyond insane. It didn’t matter that we didn’t share blood. We had a sister with whom we did share blood. Nick and I were family. There was no way around that, no matter how much I fought it and denied it.

There would never be an ‘us.’ Stealing his kisses under the guise of practicing was all it would ever be.

I bent down, grabbed a few rocks, and lobbed them into the water one after the other, trying not to assume what Nick was thinking about all this. He hadn’t come after me yelling and screaming, so perhaps this could be salvaged… whatever this was. A growing friendship? A truce? Simply being fucking brothers?

“What do you mean you hate the idea of wanting me?”

I winced at his sudden approach and demand. He sounded… angry wasn’t the right word. Stressed? Confused?

“Are you really going to make me spell this out?”

“Yes.”

I reached all the way back and threw the last rock as far as I could. I heard the splash, but it was too dark out there to see.

I bent down to grab more rocks, but Nick’s hand on my arm stopped me. “Sit and talk.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Look, Logan. I realize some of these things we’ve been talking about are hard, but I deserve to know why you’ve hated me, especially when the feeling isn’t fucking mutual. Fine, I’d found you to be annoying and a dick, but no hate was involved. I’m trying to wrap my head around you hating me because you want me.”

With an exaggerated sigh, I sat my ass down near some grass and gathered my legs close to my body. “After you turned sixteen, you really started to fill out and grow taller. You weren’t the gangly, annoying new brother anymore. Suddenly, you were growing into a man, and I found myself watching you more and more. You kept growing to be so… beautiful. Then…”

Nick sat next to me, entirely too close. I needed the space, yet at the same time, I needed him closer. “Then what?”

“Hannah came along. God, watching you with her… You were so sweet and gentle, always helping Mia take care of her. I longed for a life like that where I found someone for myself, and we could have a family. Then I’d get so angry because those were things I’d never be able to have. Well, I could find and marry a woman, but then I’d be miserable the rest of my life, and she would be miserable with me, living a lie. I’d never be able to give a wife what she needs. Like I would be someone I wasn’t, pretending forever.”

Nick said nothing as I mulled over my words. He was probably thinking, too. I’d nearly told him my deepest feelings toward him, that I’d fallen in love with him from afar, but I didn’t want to freak him out more than I already had.

“I also saw your future with Lauren: marriage, kids… I had some jealousy, too. But the biggest problem was seeing you and being around you every single fucking day. I crushed on you. Hated you. Was angry with you. Wanted you.”

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