Page 22 of All Roads Lead to You

“Of course, I’d be here. She took care of me when I needed it.”

“I appreciate it, too.”

I said nothing as I pulled out my smokes from my pocket and lit one up.

We crossed the street away from the cul-de-sac he lived in and went to the park in the woods.

The day was fucking hot and humid, and I should’ve worn shorts. My tank top clung to my sweaty skin. I didn’t know how Hunter did it, wearing black all the time.

After hiking for several minutes through the thick trees and plants, careful not to touch the poison ivy, we reached the bubbling creek.

Hunter and I used to go there all the time when we were little. We’d splash in it to cool off or to hunt for crawdads or dragonfly larvae. If we were lucky, we would catch a frog or a turtle.

Now the place, as familiar as my own face, became nothing more than memories of young boys who didn’t have a worry in the world with moms who hadn’t died or were sick and dying.

“Call me, okay? At least once in a while. I need to live vicariously through you.”

“I will.”

Hunter sat in the grass by the creek, removed his black chucks and socks, rolled up his black jeans, and dipped his feet into the cool water.

I sat next to him and did the same, filled with such a mixture of emotions and nostalgia that I couldn’t sort through them. Excitement filled me from finally getting to go on my trip and that I was starting a new chapter in my life. Yet, it wouldn’t be the same without Hunter. I was also slightly terrified that nothing would be the same after this. Life had been a stable and familiar pattern.

While I’d go to college, get a degree, and a job, that was all that I understood. The unknown about my sexuality left this blank spot in my plans, and I hated not having plans. I worried about the loneliness that had already started consuming me. What would it be like in ten years? Twenty?

I wasn’t that ignorant. I knew men had secret relationships, but how long did those last? How much could a couple take, living a secret life until it tore them apart? Did some live openly without fear? I had absolutely no experience to base it on.

Hunter looked at me with his denim-blue eyes and a slight smile on his face, bumping my shoulder. “Don’t kill Nick, yeah? And maybe don’t kiss him, either.”

I snorted a laugh and wiggled my toes in the water. “I’ll try,” I said before I sighed. “This trip is going to be brutal. Not only because you won’t be going, but yeah, it’s gonna be awkward as fuck with him in the car and sharing a tent for three damn weeks.”

“Think of it this way. Nick’s giving you the opportunity to live your dream, man. No way your dad would let you go alone.”

“So I should be grateful to Nick?”

“Nah, just… you know, don’t beat him up anymore.”

“He makes it so hard to resist, though.”

Hunter shook his head, staring out through the dense woods. “You’re just pissed because he’s someone you can’t have, but you want him. I get it, but I also don’t. Anyway, once you two attend different colleges, you won’t see him that much, other than for holidays. Whatever you feel for him will wear off eventually, and then you’ll find someone you can have. Surely, there are gay men at Berkeley.”

“You’re probably right. I know of a popular gay bar close by, too. I can always head over there. In fact, I’ve already planned to make a stop there.”

Hunter laughed and shook his head. “I hope so, because you need to get laid.”

I fell back into the grass and dead leaves, staring up at the canopy of trees and dappled sunlight. “God, don’t I fucking know it. My hand is getting boring.”

“You’ll be fine. And I’ll be there when classes start, then we can find a way to get rid of your virginity.”

I burst out into laughter, scaring the birds and squirrels. “You make it sound like I’ve got a disease.”

He laughed with me. “You know what I mean.”

“Tell you what. I’ll go with you to that gay bar when I get to Berkeley.”

I rolled my head to look at my best friend, who had his eyes shut with a small smile playing on his lips. “Thanks… you know… for like being there for me and shit. For not judging.”

“Always, Logan. We’ll be best friends until we can no longer walk and have no more hair on our heads.”

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