Page 87 of Pippin & Nacho

“One more thing, and this is for Nate. I would like to see you relinquish some of your assistance with Sam. Sam, you need to be more self-sufficient, and I’m certain you are and can be.”

“But I like it when he helps. I can’t remember everything.”

She smiled. “The medicine will help with that. But Nate needs to let go a bit, too, not just for you, but for himself. You two are incredibly codependent on each other.”

“But I don’t want to be away from Nate,” Sam said. You could hear the panic rising in his voice.

“I understand the uncertainty and fear of it after being reliant on Nate for seven years. This will be a slow process to ease you into the change. Nate will still help you, but I think he needs to do things for himself periodically, as you do. He’s also dependent on you, needing you for his own self-worth, and you’re dependent on him for doing everything except your job and skateboarding. We want you both to be happy and have confidence, as well as to have a healthy and loving relationship. Leaning on each other is wonderful, and you two are very good at that.”

I swallowed my nerves. Breaking away from Sam and relinquishing my help would be hard. It had become practically a habit, but I’d already mentioned this to Sam. “I’ve talked about this with Sam. I know I… take on a lot for him. Part of it is doing all that I can, so he’ll love me.”

Sam looked at me and smiled. “I’ll always love you, no matter what.”

“That love will keep you two strong. One more thing before I hang up. Have you ever thought about going into caregiving as a job, Nate? You’re incredibly patient and work really well with Sam. You bring him comfort and stability when he needs it.”

My face burned, and I shook my head. “Nah, I’m… only patient with Sam.”

“That’s not true,” Sam said, sounding bolder and more confident.

“I’m also not the smartest. I don’t have much of an education, and I don’t read so well.”

“I think you’ll be surprised by how smart you are. Just think about it. You can go to the community college, which is relatively affordable, and take as many or few classes as you would like. Being a nurse or caregiver pays quite well. This would be something right up your alley, I believe.”

“Ah, maybe. Thanks.”

We ended the call with instructions on how to sever our codependency with simple tasks. I was sure we could do this. I didn’t know if Sam would continue with therapy or if it would all work out, but damn if I wouldn’t help him. Hell, I needed it, too.

Sam and I lay down on the bed, touching and staring at each other.

“How do you feel?” I asked.

“I felt like I was going to throw up at first, but she’s… nice. She wasn’t that scary. But I’m really tired now.”

“She seems really nice, Sam.”

“Yeah. I like what she said about you doing caregiving. You’d be good at it.”

“We’ll see.”

Although it would be nice to have a career in the future, something I could be proud of, but something I hadn’t dreamed possible.

I ran my fingers through his hair, slightly damp from his nervous and anxious sweating. “We’re going to be okay, Sam. You and I… We’re stronger together. Maybe we are codependent on each other, and we need to work on that, but we also work well together. We both need some more self-love and self-worth. But with Dr. Tucker’s help, I think we can do this. Soon, you’ll be on some meds, and I fucking hope they make you feel better. This is a step in the right direction, and I can’t tell you how proud I am of you. One day, you’ll see what I see, Sam. One day.”

He pulled me close to him and nuzzled his face in my throat. “I don’t see it, but I want to.”

“That’s another big step, baby. I fucking love you.”

“Never stop telling me that. Please.”

“Never. My last dying breath a very long time from now will be, ‘I love you, Sam.’”

Six months later

“Sam’s looking really good these days,” Stix said as we skateboarded toward the thrift store several blocks from the grocery store.

“He really is. The therapy has been going great for both of us. He’s finally easing up on his fears. Sometimes he regresses, but the meds his doctor has him on have done wonders for him. It’s like he’s a new man. He’s always been amazing, but now he really feels good and happy. There’s still a lot of work to do, like we can’t get him in to see a doctor for his health yet, but I’m confident we’ll get there.”

“That’s awesome, man. I’m so happy for you two.”

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