Page 72 of Pippin & Nacho

Those dark eyes of his blinked open, catching me staring. He smiled, not caring that I was being creepy. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Did I sleep long?”

“Nah, only for about thirty minutes.”

“You need sleep, Sam. I’m always tired still, but it’s getting better.”

“It’s fine. You should sleep. Sleep heals.”

He huffed a laugh and snuggled in closer. I wrapped an arm around him and kissed his head. “This sucks. I miss fooling around with you.”

“Your wellness is more important.”

“I’ll be fine. Just laying here is boring.”

I suddenly thought of cards. I’d bought several packs, just in case. “We can play a card game.”

He chuckled. “I don’t know any card games, except like Go Fish.”

“Have I ever played that?”

“Maybe when you were a kid. It’s a child’s game. I played it when I was little with my foster siblings.”

Nate rolled over onto his side and faced me, ran a hand through my hair, then trailed his fingers down my face. I loved his touch. It was everything. It was love, home, consistency, and stability.

“Foster care sucked for the most part, but sometimes the kids could be fun and nice. We’d go to the park or play board games and video games. Every once in a while, I almost felt like a normal boy with a loving family. Strangely, the hardest homes had been the ones where the foster parents were the nicest to me, giving me a comforting home and good food. Those were the ones I tried my best to be a good boy and to get them to love me. I wanted to stay so much.”

I furrowed my brows, not understanding. Good food and a nice home were way better than what we had left. Wasn’t abuse worse? “Why?”

“Because I couldn’t stay. When I had to go to a new home, I felt like I was being ripped away from them. I’d have to remind myself that they didn’t want me. No one ever did. Eventually, I stopped hoping. My expectations sat at an all-time low.”

“I want you,” I said, hoping my words made him feel better.

“It’s why I love you and need you so much. You’re the only one who’s ever wanted me.”

“Same. No one has ever wanted me but you. My parents may have wanted me once, but not the way I was. They wanted to shape me and mold me into something unrecognizable. But you want me, too, right? As I am?”

He smiled and kissed my lips. “Always as you are. I love how you are.”

“Nate… do you ever want to learn about your parents to find out why you ended up in foster care?”

He sighed and rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling. “For the longest time, I was angry that they abandoned me without a reason or a word. Maybe they had a reason, but I never found out what it was, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. Being constantly abandoned takes its toll. It’s better to harden yourself to the loss. It was the only way to get through foster care.”

“I don’t understand. You’re not hard at all. You’re kind, and good, and patient.”

Nate rolled his head to the side to smile at me. “Only for you and our friends. Fuck everyone else.”

“I don’t believe that.” Not for one second. Nate wasn’t hateful at all. He didn’t have the hard edges like Stone, Ajax, or Cueball. My star was soft, tender, and sweet. He was filled with all the good one person could have.

“Honestly, now that you’ve asked, I’m wondering if I should. I’m not in foster care anymore, and I’m not alone anymore, but I’m still not sure I want to know their reasons.”

I rested my head on his shoulder and reached across him to snag on a curl, twirling it in my fingers. “Why?”

“What if…”

“What if what?”

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