Page 60 of Pippin & Nacho

Nate stood next to me by the bed, wrapping an arm around me. “Sam… maybe it’s time.”

What did he mean? “T-time for what?”

“Therapy.”

My stomach burned with acid as I tried to catch my breath from my heart beating too fucking fast. The sweat broke out in my pits and along my back. “No, no, no… No doctors!”

My hands gripped my hair as I paced again, feeling the vertigo coming on. Doctors were bad. Evil. They hurt kids when they did nothing wrong. I was a good kid, right? Maybe I wasn’t. Maybe I was bad—a bad, bad kid. I was being punished. I can’t even remember how I used to be before… No, they did horrible things to me. Bad kids get spankings, not shocked in their brains, or… touched.

I couldn’t be sedated for a therapist, either.

Strong fingers grabbed my face, forcing me to stop pacing and look at him. Him. My star. Polaris.

“Count with me.”

I tried to shake my head, but he wouldn’t let me. He was stronger than he looked. “No.”

“Let’s breathe.”

“No…”

“Hold for four seconds.”

I shook my head again but did as I was told.

“Now, breathe out.”

Again, I copied Nate’s breathing and focused on him. After doing that three times, I was breathing better, but I was far from calm.

“Sam, there’s a way to talk to a therapist without going to them. You can do a video conference.”

“No, they’ll make me do bad things. Why do you want me to see someone who hurts people?”

Nate grabbed my hand and rubbed soothing circles over my skin. “Most doctors are not bad. I realize it’s hard to see that after what you’ve been through, but most want to help you. All you would have to do is talk to them on the phone. That’s it. I can be there for you to make sure you’re okay.”

I shook my head again.

“Sam, I help you as much as I can, but it’s not enough to punch through all your trauma. You’re not getting better. I love you, and I hate seeing you suffer.”

He was wrong. I was getting a lot better. He loved me. We shared a bed, so my dreams weren’t so bad. I still had them, but not as much. When we kissed, I felt almost normal. It was so good… “I’m doing good. Really. I promise not to text you so much when you’re at work. I swear.”

Nate sighed, trying his best to be so patient, but he saw through me. He always saw so deeply into me. I usually loved that he could do that, but now I itched from it.

“It’s not about your texting, baby. That’s fine if you need reassurance. I just want you to stop suffering. It fucking kills me.”

“H-how do you know about this video doctor?”

He smiled, looking relieved. I would listen, but that didn’t mean I’d agree to this.

“Alpha told me about—”

My body stiffened, and I took a step back from my star, needing him to stop touching me and distracting me. “H-how would Alpha know?” Nate folded his arms around himself and bit his bottom lip, looking guilty as fuck. “You told him.”

The knife of betrayal wasn’t in my back, but in my heart.

“I had to talk to someone, Sam. Please understand. I’m alone here.”

“No! You’re never alone. You have me.”

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