Page 45 of Pippin & Nacho

I nod. It’s best to let Nate decide. He will know what I like the most. But I’m also sad to let things go. They’re mine, and they were hard to come by. Wherever we’re going, I would have even less, but as long as Nate is with me, it won’t matter. He’s my best friend and my crush. He’ll help me and make sure I’m okay. I trust him.

“Where are we going?” I ask.

“Anywhere but here. I’ll figure it out. But we may have to live on the streets for a while. It might be scary, but at least you won’t get hit anymore. I swear to fucking god, if we don’t leave, I’m going to kill the bastard.”

My smile is small as I watch him fold some of my T-shirts and shove them into my backpack. Nate is always strong and determined. I’m sure he’ll keep us safe. I’m not afraid to leave with him. As long as he’s in my life, I’ll be fine.

“Do you trust me?” he asks.

“Always.”

Another kiss on my lips pulled me out of my memory. “Welcome back,” he said.

“Hey.”

Nate’s breathing picked up as he said my name and pressed another kiss to my lips before kissing my cheek, jaw, and throat. I closed my eyes, enjoying the tingling across my skin wherever he kissed. His lips were electrical currents. His touch and affection washed away old memories and spiraling thoughts. All I felt and focused on was his sweet, tender mouth.

“I want to try it,” he breathed against my throat.

“Try what?”

“Sex. Only if you want to. I’ve held out for you, hoping one day this would happen between us.”

“God, I’ve wanted to try it, too. But I’m… also afraid of it.” I could never tell anyone else this other than Nate. Only he would understand.

“I’m a little afraid, too. Tell me why you feel that way.”

His hand slipped under my shirt, grazing my tingling skin. His fingers were whispers of touch, soothing, relaxing, and distracting. Nate was the epitome of patience, even when he was exploring my body.

“Tell me why you’re afraid, Sam.”

“What if I get distracted too much to do it? You know how I can get sometimes. Or what if I blank out? Or, even worse, what if I fail to please you?”

“You haven’t failed at pleasing me yet and you haven’t been distracted when we’ve fooled around, but I’m glad you’re talking about this. I don’t know much about sex other than where your dick goes, but I do understand that you and I need to talk about things. If there’s something you don’t like, then we don’t do it. Or, if you grow bored or distracted, we’ll think of something else. If you don’t want sex at all, then we don’t have to.”

I took a lock of his hair and twisted the soft strands around my fingers. “But that hardly seems fair to you.”

“This is about pleasing us both. It’s not about one person. If you aren’t into it, then I’m not going to be into it, either. Your being turned on turns me on. Sex between you and me is how we make it, not what’s expected or how others do it. Does that make sense?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I think so.”

“I don’t want you stressed out about this, and I understand that you’re not always going to be focused.” His hand under my shirt pressed flat against my heart. “I realize it’s a hard ask, but try not to worry about sex or me. If you can’t do it, then you can’t. I’m just as happy being in your arms and knowing you love me. Sex isn’t everything.”

But for how long could he hold out? People have sex for a reason beyond having babies. They want pleasure and to give their partner pleasure. That was the point, right? People did that in relationships. God, I wanted to have sex with Nate… so much. I’ve held out for him, too, but now that the moment was upon us, I was nervous. I didn’t want to fail him. What if he got bored with me? Or worse, what if—

Another kiss on my lips had me focusing on Nate again. “If it stresses you out too much—”

“I want to,” I blurted. “So much.”

Nate’s smile spread across his face, and his eyes were hooded and sexy. “Good, me, too. Just remember, I’m also really nervous, but I want you too much to hold back.”

With a sudden sense of boldness, I sat up and pushed Nate back onto the couch, pinning his arms up over his head and leaning down to kiss him. Fuck, he had a way of pulling out the best in me. Just when I felt I was crashing or getting lost, Nate would pull me right back to him and not make me feel bad. I knew for a fact that he was a rare gem after living a life with people constantly trying to change me or ‘fix’ me.

“So, who gets to be inside who?” I ask.

“Whatever you want, Sam. I know you liked it when I controlled things during our blow jobs, and I can do that again, though I have no idea what the hell I’m doing,” he said with a self-deprecating chuckle and shrugging. “Or you can be in me.”

“I’ve always imagined you being inside of me. Is… that okay?”

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