Page 84 of Beyond Reason

My best hope of finding him was probably going to the people who had been chasing these assholes from the beginning.

Fuck… I really did not want to ask Kade Neil for a favor that I would never be able to repay. I was willing to do it, though, if it meant I got Axel back in one piece.

And if it got him back, I knew I would owe Kade for the rest of my life.

That was fine.

I burst through the front door to the sight of a gun pointed at my chest. I didn’t bother telling him to put it down—I didn’t even bother taking the time to be offended. I was being a little brash and I knew it, so it wasn’t like I had any room to complain.

“Fuck, do you want to get shot?”

“They took Axel.” I didn’t care about explaining myself. I didn’t care about anything but finding Axel. “They took him, and we need to get him back now. You want to go after every person in that facility? Fine. I’ll help you skin them all alive as long as we get him back.”

I didn’t recognize the desperate tone in my voice, the way the words cracked apart at the end in emotion I’d never felt before. If this was the echoes of feeling that Seth was talking about, I didn't want it.

It was going to make me do something irrational—like sell my soul to a serial killer turned assassin.

Hm.

“We’re not just storming some building without a plan. We don’t even know where it is yet.” Kade’s voice sounded hard, the decision already made. I knew it wasn’t because he was concerned about his safety. If he was anything like the person I remembered, I’d heard stories about him taking on impossible tasks just to prove that he could, claiming dangerous jobs that no one else would touch and walking away from it unscathed.

I really couldn’t believe that he’d died, but him standing here now was all the proof I needed. It was because someone had gotten to him. If we lived through this, if I got Axel back, maybe I’d try to coax the story out of Seth. Knowing Kade’s secrets wasn’t currently at the top of my list.

“Well, we need to figure it out. We have to figure it out. I don’t know how long they’ll keep him alive when they realize he doesn’t have the flash drive or any other information they need. I don’t know what they’ll do to him when they understand that he’s probably leading them on a wild goose chase as we speak.”

“He’s probably okay,” Seth offered, but I could hear the lie in his voice, chased with pity and a piss poor attempt to placate me.

Kade was more realistic, as always. “He knows where you are, where you put the drive, doesn’t he? That’s the information they want, so I’d say he’s still pretty useful.”

Fuck, no matter how I looked at this, it was my fault. I shook my head and frowned. “He’s not going to talk.”

Kade scoffed. “Everyone breaks eventually.”

“Not Axel.”

And it was that thought that made something in my stomach twist, something in my chest feel like it was going to fracture wide open so everything inside me spilled to the floor and left me a hollow mess. Axel didn’t break, and I knew he would rather die than tell them anything about me. He’d given himself up to keep me safe.

I was worried that they’d get bored questioning him before his body finally gave out—I was worried that he’d find a way to end it himself before they ended it for him.

I was worried about what they were doing to him while I was standing around begging Kade for help.

“Listen, I’ll do whatever you want, okay? I’ll help you with any job you have problems with, I’ll babysit Seth anytime you need someone to watch him while you work.”

“Hey—” I cut off Seth's protest.

“I don’t care what I have to promise you, Kade. Just tell me you’ll help me. Please?” The word came so easily from my lips, even though I was pretty sure I’d never willingly begged before. “Help me find him.”

“You know…” Kade still sounded almost casual, but he was watching me with curiosity. “I should have realized if something happened you’d be like this.”

He sounded so sure of himself. It drew me up short, distracted me for just a second from the desperation burning through me.

“What do you mean?”

“I was there the night you died.”

“I know,” I started. “We were working the same job.”

“No, Xavier. I was there while you were dying.” He’d turned his head to look past me, and it took me a second to realize he was watching my reflection in the window, like it would somehow show back the man he saw then. My eyes drifted, and for just a moment I could see him—the man I’d been, tall and broad and so self-assured. It’s who I still was, even though I didn’t look the same… but I didn’t feel like that man right now. I felt broken with the knowledge that Axel was gone because of me. But then Kade’s eyes caught my attention, all copper reflection in the windowpane. His expression demanded I ask the question caught in my throat.

---