Page 74 of Beyond Reason

Xavier paused, but his eyes were sweet when they flicked up to mine, and the smile on his face was like sunlight—he really had changed. I’d seen these moments from him before, in brief glimpses when he didn’t realize he was doing it. Now, they escaped from him in beautiful bursts that left me dazzled by how intense his emotions were, how beautiful when he let them out.

“You can always touch me, Axel.” His answer came as he slowly brought his hands up and crossed them behind his head, stretching his body out. It was beautiful, the way he offered himself.

I wasn’t sure if he could tell that I needed this, or if it was simply because he knew every brush of my fingers was tantamount to worship. He let me draw his shirt up and over his head and settled back as I stripped his pants down his hips.

It was hard not to let my eyes fall to the marks on his chest, and when I leaned forward and gently brushed my lips against them, he shivered. I’d been ignoring them, pretending they weren’t there. I’d been doing everything I could to force down the memory of that ache, and I couldn’t anymore. I had to accept it—accept that it was a part of him, a part of our story now.

I made a point to gently kiss along each and every bullet wound, then dropped down to run my tongue along the cut of his hips.

He didn’t seem to notice that I’d ignored one of the marks completely.

“I want to worship every part of you, Xavier,” I murmured against his skin, brushing across to the other side in a ghosting of my lips that made him shudder. “I could get lost in the curve of your hip, the way it arrows down…” I trailed along with my words, drifting lower and nuzzling my face gently against his thigh. “I could spend forever memorizing every inch of your body, and it wouldn’t be enough.”

It would never be enough, because I knew what it was like now for it to be the last time. I’d been so full of regret then—the last time we’d been together, I hadn’t appreciated it.

I hadn’t touched him everywhere, hadn’t run my fingers greedily along each inch like I’d be able to keep him with me if I tried hard enough.

I’d thought we had forever.

I’d never considered a moment when I wouldn’t be able to touch him any time I wanted.

Now, I wanted to touch him any chance I could get. I wasn’t sure why I ever thought I’d be able to resist him to begin with—Xavier was as inevitable as the sun, the sky, as breathing.

He was the universe, and I was helpless to give in to his pull.

I bypassed his cock and drifted my lips along his thigh, taking my time to inhale his scent, to revel in the way his skin pebbled with goosebumps and the soft hair on his legs tickled against my lips. Every inch of him was perfect—and the fact that he looked different didn’t matter.

It was just something new for me to explore, to learn. To make sure I held close.

I trailed down long enough to brush my lips against the curve of his ankle, then drifted my way back up along his other leg, stopping to run my tongue along his hipbone again before slowly working my way along his chest. When I pressed the softest kiss to his nipple, I felt his hand slip through my hair. He tugged, but it was gentle.

Apparently, he didn’t have enough self control to keep his hands behind his head, because he was drawing me up to him and pressing his lips against mine. Xavier kissed me like he could somehow sense the desperation I was feeling, like he could see the way my entire chest felt empty, the way my body floated and needed him to fill me so I’d come down to earth. When he’d first come back, he told me he needed an anchor.

The truth was, so did I. I’d been adrift without him, lost and drowning. I hadn’t even tried to make my way to shore.

It was easier to sink than swim for a horizon I couldn’t see anymore.

But he was here now, and his fingers sliding along the length of my spine to grab my hips and pull my body against his was everything I’d needed all along, everything I’d missed while he was gone.

Everything I refused to lose ever again.

I rolled my pelvis, rocking our bodies together so he could feel the way I’d gotten hard just from touching him. When I pulled back, his eyes were already searching my face, looking for something I wasn’t sure I was ever going to have the strength to say.

“Strip for me and ride me, Sunshine. Show me how much you love me. Let me feel it.” The command in his voice had been replaced with something softer, just as gripping… maybe more powerful. It was a need so intense it swallowed me up—a brand new ocean to drown in, a surface I never wanted to break.

I nodded and pulled myself away from him, aware that his body was smaller, aware that I was going to have to be careful and in control if I wanted this to be perfect.

Fuck, I wanted it to be perfect.

It only took me a second to strip out of my clothes, and another few to pull the lube from the drawer and drizzle it on my fingers. I opened myself up in quick, deep thrusts that only made my body ache for Xavier’s. When I upended the bottle and slicked his shaft, he let out a low groan deep in his chest, but it was the moan that ripped from him when I straddled him and sank onto his cock that almost undid me.

He sounded so good—he looked so fucking good. With his eyes narrowed to near slits as he watched me, all I could see was that halo of green. His hands trailed down, stroking my thighs and settling on my hips, but he didn’t urge my movements. He just held me—he held me and he waited.

He didn’t have to wait for long.

I moved on top of him with steady, sure thrusts, loving the way it made my body burn. He stretched me open and filled me up, and some part of me wished I could sink further, that I could fall completely into him. If I was there, wrapped in the depths of him and curled around the beat of his heart, I’d never have to worry about losing him again.

I’d be home.

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