Page 47 of Beyond Reason

The pure joy on his face at being out, at running, at being alive was intoxicating. Seeing Xavier happy had been my favorite thing that I’d almost forgotten, and seeing this version of him happy was like learning how much I loved it all over again.

“I know how to run, Xavier.” I smirked and took off at a jog until I caught up to him. “The question is, can you keep up with me?” Maybe he was younger, but my legs were longer than his now. When I took off at a sprint, I heard him let out a low curse, quickly followed by the sound of his shoes pounding the concrete behind me as he tried to catch up.

I didn’t know how long I could keep up my lead, but it was more fun than it should have been to outstrip him this way. Before, he’d always been stronger, faster. He’d always been so much more capable than me—I knew he still was now, that he would be more everything again if he kept up training his body the way he had been. But, at least in this moment, I had an advantage. If I never had it again, I wanted to press it now.

I kept running, even though I was tempted to look over my shoulder to check on him. It wasn’t like I couldn’t hear him keeping a steady pace behind me. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to catch up or simply enjoying the view.

Something in my chest felt warm at the thought that the answer might be the latter. It was funny how quickly I’d lost my resistance, how much I was all in for anything that he wanted to give me. Any moment we could have together.

I wanted it all. I wanted twenty-two years worth of everything I’d been missing.

Just thinking about it made me stop and turn suddenly, and he half slammed into me with a breathless laugh that pooled somewhere deep in my chest and warmed me from the inside out.

“What the fuck, Axel?” He wrapped his arms around my waist to steady himself. “We’re supposed to be running, remember?”

He didn’t sound upset about it, and he didn’t stop me when I shifted to link our fingers together, then slowed our pace to a walk when we started moving again.

This was nice.

We’d done this before. The park had been different then, more trees and dirt paths. I also hadn’t been afraid someone was going to pop out of the bushes and try to kill us.

Well, maybe a small part of me had worried about it, but I didn’t have a basis for it then.

It didn’t stop me from swaying slightly so I could bump my shoulder against his. “This is nice, too, right?”

His fingers squeezed mine, and he nodded.

“Yeah… Yeah, it is.”

I couldn’t stop my free hand from coming up and gently tracing the chain around my neck. There was so much I wanted him to know—so much I wanted him to remember.

I just had to hope when he remembered it all, everything wouldn’t come crashing down around us.

I’d been staring at him for a few minutes. We’d gone off the pathways of the park and along a trail in the woods—we’d been here before. The sudden urge I had to pull him close, to whisper every moment of our lives in his ear, was almost too much. I knew I couldn’t do that—I didn’t want to overwhelm him—but maybe this place, just this, wouldn’t be too much?

“Do you remember being here before?” I asked in a hushed voice. We’d been here right before we’d fought. I couldn’t make sense of when and where his memories were coming back, and I still wasn’t sure if I wanted him to remember that last night at all. Was it better for him to know so I could see that we would be okay, or never remember so he never had to feel that pain, so I didn’t have to risk it? But if I knew… maybe I could keep him safe this time.

“Not really, but it’s beautiful here.” He was glancing around with a soft smile on his face, and I slowly unlaced our fingers so I could take a few steps in front of him and move forward into a small clearing.

“We’ve been here before. I brought you here right before you…” I couldn’t say it. Before he died. Before he left.

Xavier’s brows knit together, and he shook his head slowly. “I don’t… I don’t know.”

“I brought a blanket and food. I wanted us to watch the stars all night long…” My fingers came up again, wrapping around the necklace, the pendant. Xavier’s eyes moved with the motion, and he froze.

“It started raining,” he murmured under his breath.

I started to smile until I realized there was something slightly off about the way he spoke, about the way he stood. His gaze had turned faraway, and his fingers were clenching and unclenching at his side.

“Are you okay?”

“It was so cold… We got so wet. And I—” he cut off abruptly, and something in my chest seized. This felt wrong.

He swayed slightly, and the strangest expression spilled across his features. Xavier’s mouth pinched together tight, and the way the color drained from his face told me that I’d pushed him too far. I’d just wanted to see if he could remember us laying on the blanket, or the way it started raining, and we’d had to run home soaking wet. The way we’d kissed, and the way I’d—

“So… cold…” His gaze dropped to the ground like he was seeing something that wasn’t there.

“Xavier?” I didn’t like how afraid I sounded when I said his name. I didn’t like the fact that he didn’t look up at me when I spoke. He just stayed there, his hands coming up to clutch his head, his body twitching for a moment before he started to convulse.

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