Page 45 of Beyond Reason

“Axel, it’s probably fine. We’ll stay out in public, okay? I just…” I stalked after him as he walked away, once more aware of the lack of height advantage I had. “I need to get out. I’m not asking to go alone. You can come with me, and I’ll be armed this time.” Properly armed. Nothing was going to happen to me if I had a gun strapped under a jacket and a few knives planted in strategic places. It wasn’t like I had any intentions of being caught unaware again, either.

He stared at me for a few seconds, and I was pretty sure he was going to say no. I was pretty sure I was going to knock him out while he was sleeping and drag him outside myself if I had to.

Which was why I was surprised when he finally pressed his lips together and nodded.

“Fine. But you’re armed, I’m armed, and we’re not going down any suspicious alleys. Got it?”

I nodded, too intent on making sure I got out of the house before he had a chance to change his mind to even tell him that I hadn’t gone down a suspicious anything. I’d been chased into a suspicious alley, and when I’d been alive, it was a pathway to the woods.

“We could go to the park. That’s pretty crowded, right?” I could probably talk him into other places once he realized things were all right. Even though I wasn’t convinced they were myself, but… well… if we did so happen to run into someone else, at least I’d be aware enough to torture information out of them if I wanted.

Or kill them before they had a chance to say anything. I was still on the fence about it.

For all I knew, I wasn’t spewing bullshit, and they’d realized after their first would-be killer never came home that it was a bad idea to send people after me. Maybe they realized that I was staying with a man who had more connections than God when it came to the world of dangerous and deadly killers. It wasn’t like Axel hadn’t made enemies, but I was fairly certain he could call in more than a few favors if it came down to it.

God, how many new clients had Axel accrued in the time I’d been gone? How many people did he have at his fingertips that he could send after Northman Technology and Nathaniel West? If I really wanted to be over and done with it, I’d figure out where the asshole was and beg Axel to do it for me.

No.

If I was going to have a man killed, I wanted to do it myself. Honestly, my fingers were itching for it, and I knew where my real restlessness was coming from. I couldn’t remember a time when I was alive that I wasn’t working, from the moment I’d stepped into the life of a hired killer as a teenager to the blankness that overtook my memories.

I’d always been busy.

Always been moving and deadly and dangerous.

I felt like a fucking tiger all trussed up like a house cat. I couldn’t keep going this way, but I had a feeling if I told Axel the real reason I was chomping at the bit was because I wanted to get back to my old life, he might have a few choice words to say about it.

And I had a feeling that one of the main words in his very long speech he’d give me would be a very, very resounding no.

Since I didn’t want to get in another fight with him, and the very thought of him telling me what I could and couldn’t do sent irritation burning all along my skin, I avoided the issue all together.

I could talk him into it once I was a little stronger. Once I felt like my old self again.

If I could show him I was just as strong as before, maybe he’d realize I’d made the mistake of dying once, and there was no way I was going to do it again.

Then again… I had no idea what that mistake had even been… so...

Fuck. What a fucked up limbo to exist in. I needed to know to make sure it didn’t happen again, but I was afraid knowing might break me.

I settled on being content that we were finally getting out of the damn house. I’d worry about the rest of the details later.

Honestly, it was the best I could do.

Axel and I had two very different reactions the moment we stepped outside. I took a deep breath and let myself say a silent thanks that I was here, that I was alive, that I had this chance to be the person I’d been before.

Axel slid his hand across his hip where I knew he had a gun holstered, and his eyes darted around like he was sure there would be someone just outside the door waiting to finish what the dead man had started.

“Down boy,” I muttered in his ear, and he slanted his gaze to me in annoyance. I leaned up and gently ran my finger along the length of his throat. Watching him shiver from the motion alone was nearly enough to make me drag him back into the house. Since he’d decided he didn’t have it in him to resist me, all I wanted to do was touch him.

I settled for brushing against his thundering pulse before making a show of putting my hands loosely at my sides so I could grab a weapon if I needed to.

“Are you ready to go?”

He looked me over one more time, glanced around, then blew out a breath and nodded.

“To the park. I’m sure there are plenty of people there. It’ll be safe.”

I had a feeling he said that last part to himself more than me, but I nodded anyway. Between the two of us, I had no doubt we were more than capable of handling anyone who came after me… and honestly, they’d have to be an idiot to attack us in broad daylight when there were people around. Even the man who’d cornered me had done it while there were no witnesses, and he’d only attacked me once we were in an isolated alley.

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