Page 38 of Beyond Reason

“I didn’t know that.” My arms around him tightened. “I didn’t know you were coming back. You were just there, and then you were gone.” I didn’t realize I was holding him too tight until he let out a wince and I instantly loosened my grip. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine. Are you sure you’re fine?” he asked again.

“I told you, I am. Xavier…” Xavier… I had no idea how I’d doubted he was exactly who he’d said he was the moment he walked into my house like he owned the place. “I don’t like killing, but I’ll always kill for you.”

It wasn’t an apology. Fuck, I couldn’t even properly apologize when he didn’t know what I was apologizing for.

Maybe if I started now, maybe if I did my best to show him that I was sorry, that I would have never let him get hurt, that I would have never let him walk out the door that night if I’d known what was going to happen… maybe if I did my best, he’d see the truth by the time he remembered.

Maybe he’d forgive me.

Chapter 11

Xavier

My head was throbbing again… which probably wasn’t the best thing. I had a feeling sustaining multiple head injuries back to back wasn’t going to do a damn thing for the memory loss I was suffering, but I couldn’t really do anything about it, could I?

It wasn’t like I’d asked some asshole to chase after me. Fuck, he wasn’t even really chasing me. He was after Marshall, which meant that whoever had sent him had no idea I existed.

I wasn’t sure if that was a pro or con.

I’d let Axel half carry, half lead me back to his bedroom—it was better than being put on the couch. Whatever barrier he’d tried to form between us had apparently come tumbling down the minute someone tried to kill me. As much as I hated being hurt, it was worth it to finally see past that wall. As much as he’d tried to hide it from me, Axel was showing me now that he loved me, that he still cared.

As soon as he stepped back into the bedroom, a question flew from my lips.

“Did that guy say anything before you went all Sweeney Todd on his ass?” I tried to shift myself into a sitting position, but Axel’s hand on my shoulder pushed me back against the bed before I had a chance. I had a feeling he wasn’t going to let me move today if he had any say in it.

I had the slightest suspicion that he probably wouldn’t let me leave the room ever again if he had it his way.

It wasn’t like I’d intentionally tried to get killed. I would have been pretty satisfied if no one ever came close to killing me again.

“I wasn’t really trying to get information out of him.” Axel’s cheeks looked a little pink, and I was pretty sure it was from a blush and not any blood lingering on his face. I’d had to swear on everything I knew and offer to let him handcuff me to the bed to get him to leave the house and take care of the scene he’d left behind.

I was honestly surprised that he didn’t take me up on the offer. Maybe it had something to do with the way I’d settled back against his pillows with all of the exhaustion I felt clearly written across my face. I wasn’t going to go anywhere. I was too tired to move, too annoyed with myself to try to run off again.

Besides, I was hoping if I didn’t push my luck, he wouldn’t be an asshole and say something like I told you so, since he’d clearly been right about me leaving the house alone being a bad idea.

If I could avoid that phrase altogether, that would be…

Well.

I’d woken up a few hours later when he came out of the shower, freshly scrubbed and looking at least a little more relaxed. I wasn’t sure if it was because he’d taken care of the absolute massacre he’d left behind, or because I was still securely in his bed.

Whatever it was, he’d apparently given up on trying to avoid me. Instead of pushing me again when I tried to sit up, he climbed into the bed beside me, wrapped me up in his arms, and pulled us both back down.

I didn’t have it in me to resist the heat of him, not when he smelled so clean and sweet. Citrus and spice.

“That’s not what you smelled like before, is it?”

He froze for a second, then shrugged and slowly ran his fingers through my curls. “No. It’s what you used to smell like. When you…” I could feel his entire body tense as he forced the words from his lungs. “When you died, I started using your cologne. It didn’t make it hurt any less, but at least it was a part of you I could keep close to me.”

Sweet man. He was too sweet for my world, but he always had been, hadn’t he?

He was definitely too sweet to have just killed someone so violently that I could see the places on his hands he’d patched up because his fingers had slipped on the knife.

“Does that mean I get to use your old stuff now? What was it…” I closed my eyes and let a soft smile drift across my features. “It was warm, like amber and summer sun.” Somehow, the smell of him was easier to remember than the last thing he’d said to me.

Weird, but I was too tired to worry about it… and a small part of me was happy that I could still remember anything new at all after I’d been hit in the head.

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