Page 7 of Reunited with the Soldier

“No, I didn’t and I’m really…”

“Don’t fucking tell me you’re sorry. I don’t want to hear it. You didn’t even write to me, you could have written and explained and I would have waited for you, Kash. Didn’t you realize that? I would have waited for you.”

He pulls me into his chest and I fight to get out from under his arms.

“I’m sorry, Lauren. I know I was selfish and I’ve regretted it every day since. I’ve not stopped thinking about you. I still love you. Always will.”

I manage to push off his chest. “Shut up. Shut the fuck up. You don’t have the right to tell me how you feel. It was always about you. Did you stop to think for one moment, how that split second affected my life? No, you fucking didn’t, because if you did you wouldn’t have walked away from me at that time.” I walk back to my car and open the door.

He steps up next to me. “Lauren, I just want some of your time to talk to you and explain everything to you. Please, I’ll beg if you want me to.”

“I don’t want you to beg. I didn’t beg you to stay because I knew there was no point. So don’t beg me to hear you out, Kash.” I put on my seat belt and go to close the door but he holds it open. “Kash, let me close the door.”

“No, I won’t close this door until you agree to meet me for coffee to talk things out. As friends.”

I laugh. “Friends don’t leave you when you need them the most.” I can feel those pesky tears and I don’t want them to fall in front of him. “Please let the door go.”

“Lauren, you know we both need this, for closure, if that’s what you want.”

“I don’t know what the fuck I want. My life has been good these last few years and now you show up and turn it upside down all over again.” I thump the steering wheel with my hands and jump when the horn sounds.

“All I’m asking is an hour of your time.” He looks like he’s desperate and I love that he feels like that. That’s how I felt when he left me.

“Kash, I need to think. You coming back into my life has confused me and I need to process what is happening. Please, let me process it in my own time.” He lets go of the door and I drive off without looking back.

As soon as I get home I rush up the stairs to Elijah’s room. He’s fast asleep. My heart stills, he’s safe. I walk into the room and kiss him. I stare at him for a while and he looks just like his dad. Like Kash.

When I get back downstairs, Bailey is there with a cup of coffee for me, as she does every night. “Here you go, you look like you need it. Was it busy tonight?”

We sit down in the armchairs and I take a sip of my coffee before looking at her. “Kash turned up tonight in the bar.”

She gasps. “No fucking way?”

“Yeah, it surprised both of us being so far away from home.” I hold the cup in my hands and warm them up.

“Did he talk to you?”

“He tried but I didn’t want to talk. I need to process that he’s here in town and he doesn’t know about Elijah. I don’t want him to take him away from me, Bailey.”

She puts her coffee down on the table and walks over to me. “Baby, he won’t take him away from you, he can’t do that.”

“Are you sure? He’s going to hate me anyway for not telling him.”

“How could you tell him when he didn’t write to you? He made it clear it was over between you and you would have felt that he was only with you because of the baby. Don’t beat yourself up, Lauren.”

“I know, but what if he finds out and wants to meet Elijah, what am I going to do then?”

“Then we will sit down and discuss it. You are not alone, remember I am always going to be here for you.” She kisses me on the head and then sits back down.

“I don’t know what I would have done without you in my life, Bailey. It was the worst night of my life but I got the two most precious people in my life that night. You and Elijah.”

“I’m just sorry that I wasn’t there for you before that night. I wish I’d known you better and could have helped you through your pregnancy and gotten you out of there before he hurt you both.”

Tears slide down my face as I remember the feeling that night that Elijah wasn’t going to make it. “I just thank God every day that he brought us together. You’ve done more for me than my parents ever did.”

“You’re family to me, Lauren. I’ll do anything for you.”

“Help me get through this with Kash, that’s all I’m asking for right now.”

---