The doorbell rings and I know I don’t have any more time to think about it. I just need to take a deep breath and let him in.
When I open the door, I stumble a little. How could I forget how handsome he is? This man took my heart with him and I’ve never been able to get over him. “Hey.” I open the door further for him to come in.. “Come on in.”
He follows me into the house, and I catch him looking around. I bite my bottom lip and wring my hands together. I’m so worried about what is going to happen.
“Lo,” he says quietly.. “Don’t be nervous.”
I take a deep breath. “Okay,” I whisper. “I’m just going to say it,” she says as she tries to look in my eyes. “You have a son.” I can’t believe I just spurted it out. It was hanging over us and he needed to know. “We. We have a son. He’s eight, and he’s amazing.”
Kash just stares at me, and I don’t know what is going to happen. Is he angry? Does he not believe me?
“Kash, say something.”
He looks at me. Then he looks around the room. “We have a son and you didn’t tell me?” Oh okay, so he’s angry. Well, I’ve faced enough anger over the years, so I know he’s entitled to be angry at me. But he’s the reason I didn’t tell him.
“And when was I supposed to tell you? After you left? When you didn’t give me an address where I could get hold of you? When, Kash? When?” I’m angry and I’m pacing up and down the room. Eight years of pent up anger at Kash is all ready to come out.
“When did you find out you were pregnant, Lo?” At least he’s still calling me Lo. Things can’t be lost.
“I found out about two months after you left. I was heartbroken and thought I was just sick, but then when I realized my symptoms, it was too late.”
“I would have come back, Lo. I would have been there to raise our child.” He turns to face me.
“And I would have been the target of all your anger if I made you come back. I tricked you into leaving the military or whatever else you could come up with. That’s not who I am. You broke my heart, so I wasn’t going to tell you after that. I needed to get over you before I could cope with what was happening to me and my body.”
He moves closer to me, but I take a step back.
“Lo. I’m not going to hurt you.” He moves closer again.
“You said that years ago, and you did the worst thing you could have done to me. You walked away when I needed you the most.”
“What happened after I left, Lo? How come you’re here, halfway across the country?” He reaches out and takes my hand. I can see he is angry, but he still wants to touch me. Maybe there is hope after all.
“I think we need coffee or something stronger for me to tell you what happened.” I walk into the kitchen and he follows me and sits at the island. I make him a coffee and he smiles when I pass it to him.
“You remember how I take it.” It’s a statement, not a question.
“I remember everything about you, Kash.” I stand facing him, leaning against the other counter.
“Then you can remember how good we were together, Lo.”
“I do, and I remember how long it took me to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, Kash.” I stare him in the eye and he smiles.
“Feisty, just as I remember. Tell me what happened.”
After taking another sip, I tell him about my father beating me every night when he was drinking. Even when Kash was there, he just didn’t see the bruises.
“Are you fucking kidding me? He was hitting you and you didn’t tell me?”
“I didn’t want you getting into trouble for standing up to him. Anyway, I managed to hide my pregnancy from him. I did everything I needed to do, but I did it on my own.”
I take another drink and stare at the wall behind his head. There are pictures of Elijah on there and they ground me for a minute.
“The night I went into labor, my lovely step dad beat me to a pulp. I was black and blue and he kicked my stomach over and over again. I lost a lot of blood and I thought I was going to lose the baby, too.”
“Wait until I get my hands on him.”
“The last I heard, he was in prison, but he is due out at some stage. I couldn’t live anywhere near where he would find me. I was planning on leaving that night and he caught me before I got away. He heard me talking to the baby and that’s when he started kicking my stomach. I really thought I was going to lose my baby, or even my life. Luckily for me one of my neighbors, Bailey, heard me because I had the window open ready to jump out and leave. She came into the house and took me away with her. She got in the ambulance with me and helped deliver Elijah. Then she helped me move away. She lives here with me. She helps me with Elijah so I can work and get some money for us. She works too, so I look after him during the day and she looks after him at night. It works.”