Page 8 of Ghost's Control

The answer to that is yes, I can forgive him and no, I can’t walk away. Deep down, I know how I feel about him. Deep down I know that I love him.

I sit for a while just watching him sleep, and then he opens his eyes. He reaches out for me and pulls me close. He kisses me on my head. “I’m so sorry, Gi. I know there’s no excuse, but I really thought you were done with me and I just wanted to lose myself. I’m so fucking sorry. Are you ready to tell me what happened to you, yet?”

“No, I don’t think I can talk about it yet.” I snuggle into his side and lay my hand over his chest. Following the lines of his tattoo, until my hand is resting over his heart.

“Sugar, if we are going to make a go of our relationship, which I hope we are, then you need to talk to me.”

“You’re going to get angry and leave me here. If we are doing this, Ty, then I need you here right now with me. I don’t want to be on my own. I need you.”

“Gi, I promise you that I won’t leave. I’ll be here protecting you. You are the most important thing in my life and I don’t want to lose you.” He looks at me and I see deep into his soul. He means it. He wants me as much as I want him.

I look up at him and kiss him. It’s been too long since I had his lips on mine. I knew he wouldn’t make the first move, he’s scared that I’ll reject him. But there’s no stopping him once I start. He doesn’t push me though; he doesn’t touch me, just my face.

“Gi, I can’t do this. I need to know what happened. It’s the only way I can make sure you’re safe. You are it for me, sugar. You and me forever.”

I cry. This man wants to help me. I know that he will do everything to protect me.

I lay down next to him, my leg over his thigh and my hand on his chest. His arm behind my head and wrapped around my shoulder. His other hand running up and down my body.

“I didn’t know I was for the lifestyle when I was nineteen. I’ve always been sassy and always did everything for my family. So, when I met my ex and he let me forget my responsibilities in the bedroom, I knew that I would become a submissive in the bedroom, but not in my everyday life. After a year I knew that things were different and the pain he was unleashing on me wasn’t the same as it had been and it wasn’t enjoyable. It was abusive. But I thought that because I let him, that maybe he was teaching me something new. Until the abuse started outside the bedroom. It took me a long time, but I left him. I had to get restraining orders because he didn’t want to leave me alone.”

I can Ghost tensing up when I talk about the abuse. I know he wants to kill my ex, but he can’t do that because then I’d lose him. I rub his chest with my hand. “It’s okay. I’ll be okay.”

“No, it’s not okay. I’m a bastard for making you submit to me at Jem’s place.”

I sit up and look him in the eyes. “No, Ty. You’re not. I didn’t think I would like to go back into the lifestyle, but as soon as I saw you, I knew that you’re the man to dominate me. It was instant. Your domineering voice gets me every time. It sends ripples through my body. You let me be me, and then you dominate me when you know I need it.”

He reaches his hand up to my face. “Gi, I won’t push you. I don’t need to dominate you sexually. I don’t need that to get off.”

I laugh. “I know, but we both love it, so why deny ourselves.”

He kisses me. “Can you tell me more about your ex? How did he find you?”

“When Tara called me, I knew it was my opportunity to get out of town and away from the abuse. Even though we weren’t together, he thought he could still hurt me and get away with it. He must have tracked me. I know that he used to track my phone to find me. That must have been it.”

“You need a new phone straight away. I’ll get you a burner today.”

“Thanks. We were on the beach and I went for a walk to get away from the sexual chemistry in the house. Those three are damn hot when they are together.” Ghost chuckles at my words.

“I was a bit further down the beach when someone put their hand over my mouth from behind me. I panicked and tried to fight. His hand went around my throat. As soon as he did that, I knew it was him. I could smell him. I tried to take his hand off, but he kept squeezing harder and harder until I passed out. When I woke up, he was standing over me and he was kicking me, which is where the bruises have come from on my chest.”

I take a breath. It’s too hard for me to speak. Ghost runs his hand up and down my arm and my thigh. “You don’t have to tell me anymore I know what comes next.”

“No, I need to tell you. I was lucky because Tara heard me and Tank and Cas came and found me. They chased him off. But he was long gone.”

“Did he rape you?” Ghost can hardly say the word.

“No on the beach, no.” I say, knowing that he’ll know what I mean.

“But he has done it before?” I can feel him getting angrier. I know none of his anger is directed at me.

“Yes.” I close my eyes, trying not to bring up the memories. “A lot of times. He told me that he owned me and he could take me anytime he wanted to.”

Ghose sits up. He pulls me so that I am sitting on his lap and with his arms wrapped around me he kisses on my head. “Sugar, if you don’t want to have sex with me for some reason you tell me and I stop. I never want you to feel that you have to have sex with me if you aren’t feeling it. I’m not like that. I respect you.”

I look up at him. “I know. Ty. I know.”

We sit like that for a while. Then he whispers, “Thanks for telling me. I won’t let him hurt you again. I promise. You’re mine and I’ll protect you. Tell me you know that, Gi.”

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