"I'm going home," she whispers, the first words she's spoken in two days.
"Baby girl–" I take a step toward her, but she throws a hand up in the air, halting me in my tracks.
"Don't touch me," she says. There's something wild in her voice, in her eyes…something I've never seen there before. It's as close to rage as I've ever seen her come. She shuffles across the room to the front door, her arms wrapped around her body like she's trying to hold herself together.
"January, I didn't mean–"
She pushes past me without even looking at me and then storms outside, slamming the door behind her before I can explain that I didn't mean I was done with trying to be here for her. I meant I was done with watching her break while LAPD does nothing. I'm tired of knowing the motherfuckers responsible for her pain are still out there. I'm done watching people like Titan die because people like Kaleo think they can do whatever the fuck they want. I'm sick and fucking tired of the Kaleos of the world running shit while people like Titan and Jana suffer and die because of it. I want out of this fucking neighborhood, not out of our relationship.
"Fuck," I whisper, feeling like the world's biggest asshole.
"Go," Quan says.
I fling the door open before he even finishes speaking the word and jog outside after January. She's already across the yard, running up the steps to her house as fast as she can. Seeing her running from me breaks me in ways I can't even explain. She hasn't run from me since the first time she kissed me five years ago.
I race after her, my heart pounding so fast it feels like it's trying to beat its way out of my chest.
"Go away!" she yells at me when I burst through the door behind her.
"No." I stride across the living room toward her and try to pull her into my arms, but she fights me. "I'm not going anywhere, January."
"I hate you!" she screams, hitting me with those tiny fists.
Fuck, hearing that hurts like hell.
"Don't say that."
"It's true!" She pushes away from me, knocking me back a step. She glares at me, her face red and splotchy like she's been crying even though she hasn't been able to shed a single tear in a week. That same wild look is in her eyes, turning the emerald green dark and glassy. "You only care about yourself."
"January–"
"You think you're the only one who hates everyone? You're wrong! I thought I could pretend that I don't blame you, but I can't."
"What are you saying?" I ask, my stomach roiling as guilt crashes through me.
"I'm saying that my mom and brother are dead, and you're the one I blame. You're the one who got him involved in that fucking MC. You're the one who started all of this! Why did you drag me to Ma Lucia's instead of letting me stay with my brother? Why didn't you do something to stop Kaleo years ago instead of letting my brother walk out there to die?" She screams the words at me, each one hitting me like a bomb blast.
Guilt lashes at me, cutting deep. I stumble back a step, but that doesn't do a damn thing to stop it. I open my mouth to defend myself, but I can't because she's right, and she doesn't even know the worst of it.
She thinks she hates me now because I started the MC. How's she going to feel when she finds out that I knew he was in trouble? How's she going to feel when she finds out her brother was working with Kaleo because of me? That he started dealing because I was too goddamn scared to tell him about the money sitting in a trust fund?
How fucked-up is it that the first time I touched that money, it was to pay for the funerals it could have prevented?
"I feel like I'm dying. Every day, it hurts even worse, and all you care about is yourself. You said you'd always protect me, but you didn't. You're a liar," she says, whispering this time. Her tongue darts out to wet her bottom lip. "I can't trust you anymore. I can't count on you."
"January, that's not–"
"I can't be with you anymore." Tears pool in her eyes. For the first time in days, she's crying. Only she's not crying for the brother she lost or her mom. She's crying over me. She stomps to the closet and flings it open, reaching inside for her jacket.
I watch with tears in my eyes as she rips my patch from it, tearing her jacket in the process. She slams the patch against my chest hard enough to knock me back a step. "You need to leave."
"January, baby girl, please don't do this," I plead, even though I don't have that right. Even though I see the resolve stamped across each delicate feature of her face. I destroyed her world, and now she's cutting me off before I can take anything else from her.
"I don't ever want to see you again." She pulls my ring from her finger and holds it out to me. "It's over, Cade."
Those three words—It's over, Cade—tear through me, ripping me apart from the inside out. Hearing them is like finding Titan and Jana on the sidewalk all over again. It hurts every-goddamn-where.
"Take it."