Page 46 of Fire for Effect

“No,” I said against her throat. “Which is why you’re letting me do this now. So pick a safe word, before I lose my fucking mind and take more than you’re willing to give.”

She shook her head.

“Pick one, now.”

She shook her head again, and I was about to lose my fucking mind. Her pussy was throbbing around me, squeezing the life out of me, and I knew this was the wrong time to discuss this. I should have gone over this before I entered her. That would have been the responsible thing. But I didn’t want to be responsible. Instead, I was taking her bare, on her kitchen sink.

She deserved rose petals, and soft, leather restraints. But I was selfish enough to take what I could get.

So the safe word was just better late than never.

“Tell me something that makes you feel safe,” I coaxed, taking her lower lip gently in my mouth. “Something sweet. Something that makes you feel protected.”

“Thirteen.”

There it was. She felt safe when she was with Lucky thirteen. Our team.

My heart ached to know if she had felt safe since the team had moved on, and we’d been assigned apart. But now wasn’t the time.

Why the fuck had I been away for so long? Why did I think I could be content with just a single phone call once a year? How did I breathe without her?

“That’ll do,” I whispered against her mouth. I grabbed her wrists and pulled them behind her back, taking them in one hand. My other snaked around her head, gathering the hair at her nape to control where her eyes went. “Wrap your legs around me and hold on tight.”

A safe word wasn’t permission to do everything I wanted. Not yet. I was an idiot, and out of control, but I wasn’t that irresponsible. I had been selfish and careless five years ago, and I had to do it right this time.

I could have it all if I just did the right thing now. I would not fail.

“Eyes on me,” I said, before I took her mouth, and held her to me, chest to chest, joined at the hips, her wrists in my hand, and her eyes, looking right at me.

I fucking loved it. I loved her expressive eyes. The slight fear, the pleasure, the sudden glassiness as her release drew near. I could feel her everywhere, smell her, hear her, swallow her screams, and gaze into that complicated mind as she gave in to her feelings.

Her orgasm happened fast, and hard, her legs tensing, and tensing, until they released. Her head fell back, but I didn’t let her fall away from me. I wouldn’t let her. I wouldn’t let myself go until I had carved myself into her the way I should have five years ago.

And even then… It would never be enough.

When her eyes rolled back in ecstasy, I gave myself permission to let go. I gave myself a chance to break inside her, releasing deep into her warmth.

Bare, broken, and beautifully together.

I was in complete, perfect ecstasy, when her shaky voice finally registered in my ears.

She was crying.

Panic snaked up my gut, and into my throat. I let go of her wrists, and held her by the waist and shoulders, holding her to me, as her head collapsed onto my chest.

“What did I do, sweetheart?” I mumbled into her hair. “What did I fuck up? Did I hurt you?”

The sweet, glowing satisfaction I felt in my body was blackening to something cold, and terrifying. The memory of waking up to an empty bed, alone, shot through me and I fought the urge to squeeze her too close. To hold her a little too tight, just to reassure myself that she hadn’t disappeared yet.

I felt her shake her head against my skin, her little nose rubbing against an old knife scar below my clavicle, right above my one and only tattoo.

“Talk to me, baby, please.” I clenched my jaw so tight, I thought I’d break my molars.

She placed her hands on my chest, and pulled away, just a little. I wouldn’t allow any more space between us. Nothing but just enough room for her to breathe.

“Don’t doom us before we even get a chance to start.” I pulled the hair from her face.

“That’s just it,” she said, wiping at her tears, the moisture of them adding a sheen to her high cheekbones. “You’ve just started the countdown to the end, for us. That’s why I didn’t want it. Now… I’ll lose you.”

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