Page 40 of Fire for Effect

“He’s a good man,” her voice was just a whisper.

“I’m not disagreeing.” I leaned down a little more, just to get a bit more of her warmth in my lungs. “He’s just not good enough for you.”

“You say that about everyone.”

“And it’s true.”

I waited a beat as she didn’t move. Then she grabbed an Edelweiss beer and closed the door. I stepped back to let her.

“I don’t want to die alone, Griff.”

It was my time to freeze. Was she fucking serious?

“Bullshit,” I snorted, deciding that she was just being sarcastic, as always. “That can’t be why you’re dating that milquetoast.”

She slowly shut the fridge door and turned around. Her eyes were wet, shiny with unshed tears. What the fuck was going on?

“I’m serious, Griff.” She laughed in frustration, shaking her head. “I’m not getting any younger, and you know what? Maybe I don’t want to be on my own forever. Maybe I’m tired.” She placed her palm on her forehead, her eyes shut. “I’m so sick of being lonely.”

I squinted at her face, looking for any sign that I was being fucking punked.

But the tear down her cheek was real.

There was no way that she was scared to die alone. She was surrounded by people all-the-fucking-time. Charlotte and Top were up her ass on the best of days. VD never left the stupid barn that was just down the road, Goose and his daughter were always bugging her to hang out, and then there was me…

Maybe I wasn’t calling her every fucking night. I wasn’t shadowing her the way I wanted to because of work but I was there. I was always there, watching.

It was even on my fucking paperwork to be alerted if anything happened to her, and I’d be on the first flight back, even if it burned my cover.

“You’re not alone, Taz.”

She turned her head away from me and covered her face wiping the tear away.

“I am, Griff. I might have people around me, but that’s not the same. It’s not…” She let out a long sigh. “I want what Top and Charlotte have.” She turned around and looked at me with sad eyes. “What Sandy and Goose had.”

That struck me right in the heart. Sandy killed herself, losing her lifelong battle with depression, leaving Goose with two kids and a hole in his heart. What would I do if there was no Taz in this world? Would I be able to endure like Goose? Fuck no.

“If I died tomorrow, no one would find my body until I missed a few Sunday dinners on the farm or–”

“I’d know,” I interrupted her.

“If they needed a bounty hunter, and no one else was available, then Noam would probably send someone to find me, but I’d be long dead by then…”

“You’re not listening to me, Taz.” I grabbed her chin and turned her face to look at me. “I would know.”

She pulled away, then rolled her eyes. No shit, rolled them like a teenager, annoyed at a parent.

“Also,” I said, waving a finger in front of her nose. “We’re going to circle back to that bounty hunting thing, because you most definitely have not disclosed that little hobby of yours.”

She rolled her eyes again, and I swear to God, I’d make them roll with orgasms later tonight.

“I would know if something happened to you,” I said to get us back on track, because we were definitely not done talking about whatever Domino Harvey bullshit she was doing.

“Sure, Griff. You’ll figure out I’m gone on my next birthday, when I don’t pick up the phone, right?”

“I would know sooner than that.” I was skirting a line that I shouldn’t be crossing. I was about to reveal far too much, but not enough all at the same time.

“Bullshit.” She turned away from me, crossing her arms as she stared out the stupid window over the tiny sink. I hated that she lived in a trailer, even if it gave her the freedom she had so often craved. Or maybe she didn’t crave it anymore after all.

---