Page 92 of Oathbreaker

We sit in silence as the intensity of her words washes through our bodies and sinks to the floorboards.

“What happened was all a matter of time, whether I was with you or not. He was determined. He would have gotten to me either way.” She closes her eyes, and when she opens them again, they’re glassy.

“Those are some big thoughts, Sunbeam,” I say softly. I grab her hand, unable to help it.

She clenches mine back.

“They are.” She wipes her eyes with her free hand. “They are. But the other thing I realized is that if I had never met you, when he did ultimately get to me, I would have been dead. He would have killed me.”

I inhale sharply, the idea of Winter dead being too obscene to sit in my consciousness.

“At least, now that it’s happened, I was able to get myself out of it. I was able to go back home—and I have you to help me through this.”

She weeps openly, but she bites her lip to prevent her sobs from fully escaping.

I get off the bench, kneeling in front of her.

“I’m so sorry this happened, baby. I wish I could have protected you from all of this. I should have protected you, but that guilt is mine to carry for the rest of my life—no, don’t argue with me,” I say when she looks like she’s going to interrupt.

She shakes her head. “Can I tell you about it?” Her voice is hoarse, and when she closes her eyes, I do the same to steel myself against her story.

“Yes,” I say. “You can tell me anything. Always.” When her lids flutter open again, her eyes find mine.

“I want to talk about this only once. Then I never want to talk about it again. Okay?” Her chin wobbles.

“Yes, baby.” I nod solemnly.

“He hurt me a lot, H. And I felt so terrified and hopeless. I thought I was going to die in there. He told me he was going to kill me, and I know he would have if I hadn’t got to him first.”

I fight to keep my face impassive, trained on her beautiful eyes.

“He raped me a total of eight times.” I don’t move a muscle.

“He told me that he was obsessed with me. I felt his obsession. He said that I owed him a life. His life. The baby’s...” I see the exact moment when she falls into a daze, disassociating as she tells me about the horrors she experienced.

“He was so angry about you. That I’d been with you. He wanted to clean you out of me, so he did. Physically. He really thought he and I were soulmates.” She inhales a stuttering breath. “He was sick.”

I fight the urge to interrupt her and tell her not to give him an inch of grace.

“I wanted him to kill me at one point. I just wanted the pain to stop, you know?” Her gaze skitters to mine, but she doesn’t hold it. “But then I found that razor blade and...you know, it never occurred to me to slit my wrists? That’s the logical idea, right? It was such a long shot that such a tiny razor would have killed him. But I knew I had to try. I just wanted to get back to you.”

Her face sobers, her tears drying.

“I will be myself again—a stronger version of myself. I worked so fucking hard to get well after the first time. I worked so hard to move forward with my life. And I refuse to be stuck in this moment. He will not win,” she says with conviction.

I remain silent. She needs this moment. She deserves this moment.

“If you’d asked me six months ago if I could have killed someone, even with all that he did to me in the past, I would have said no. But now? I want them all to bleed, H. All the people who had a hand in what happened to me, I want them to suffer. I want them to die. And I don’t care what that says about me. I want revenge on all of them, just like you do.”

And in that moment, she looks so fierce, so powerful, so radiant, so mine that I don’t think. I pull her down on top of me, settling her on my lap on the floor of the pavilion.

Then I kiss her. Hard. Pouring all my love and energy and promise into the act.

When we pull apart, her eyes are glassy, and she looks as drunk on this feeling as I am.

“If you want revenge, baby,” I say, running my nose down the delicate column of her throat, “Then we’ll make them pour rivers of blood.”

She shudders at my declaration.

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